Being mid-thirties and single is somewhat interesting. I feel like Cleopatra sat at a peak of a gold plated pyramid, with a gold wand- clicking and flipping through needs and desires. At mid thirties what is definitely clear is the assurance in oneself.
So possibly having this advantage can also be a detriment in the end. I am scarlet with a red and gold mid 30s imprint on the back, to symbolise independence and entrapment. The balance weight statue is tipping on both sides, and never equals equilibrium.
To men in their 20s I am appealing and "sexually" assured (I am assuming). I symbolise a cougar (never thought those words would come out of my mouth, in relation to myself). I am empowered by the word cougar, yet would find it disempowering if these 20s something’s would ever alter those words from their mouths.
So instead of running away from 20 something’s, a magnet pulls me towards their appealing physicality and sense of being. They symbolise a reminder of how awesome it was to be that young. I am energised by their flare and view of life. I wish I had this vantage point when I was in my 20s, I would have pushed me harder, to maintain that youthful fountain. I am amused by their passion to live in the moment and to keep going at life’s ambitions. I am more thrilled at the thought that I can blend in, be identified as a 20 something in a line up at a party. So the 30s forehead has not peaked yet. I have become less amused for the constant ID security checks for purchasing alcohol in a SUPERMARKET- as cute as that is, it gets dull after a while.
30 something MEN:
Men in their early 30s do not seem appealing as mid 20s men. Early 30s appear to be lost, in soul searching whether it is grabbing onto the career ladder, or in deciding which route to take relationship wise. In mid 20s men there is a fearless nature in them, and a definite yes in who they are and what they want. There is a bit of arrogance which comes in honesty- such as they are not ready to settle down. While early 30s shocks easily at the concept of defining what sort of relationship they want.
Late 30s to early 40s (that’s my limit at the moment- I shall not cross beyond mid 40s).
I have realised this group have been drinking from different youth fountains. Some of them come in packages which looks like a 20s something wrapper; fit and confident in appearance. Then the other package comes looking worn out, as though they have been beaten by all life has had to give. I've also noticed that some (usually the majority) are going bold- scary concept. So my late something’s has fallen in the normal ratio of the potential to become bold. How and when did things change happen- or had I had been blind to it?
For some reason I am yet to bond with late 30s, I've skipped to early 40s. For me possibly it’s the assurance that the early 40s man is sorted somehow. Only the extra package that comes with this man is children and the all important ex-wife. I have not reached the threshold yet, where I am confident to play house or become second mommy.
Give me a break, I am resolving my own anxiety issues of possibly becoming a mommy myself (this may need therapy).40s something I've experienced although balanced career wise this species is yet to be fully confident in their own skin.
I have yet to explore what mid 30s men are all about somehow we have yet to connect. I think possibly we are too close in age. There is arrogance in me, that they won’t satisfy my overall needs and desires.
Now reflecting back to what my entrapment could be:
I am established at some level career wise. 20s men, am good to buy dinner and the extra's for, but that's not who I want in the long run. Other men, I am nearly their equal when it comes to the restaurant bill. I am completely turned off at the concept of splitting bills, down to the pence on every occasion- surprise me once in a while you might just become mine. Others are threatened at the concept that I might actually earn more than them.
Now can you visualise the tangled web am in? Whether I’ve weaved this tangled web- that may be an therapy session in the waiting.
I could not settle for mid 20s because entail taking their early adulthood away (sorry Demi just can't). The 30 something’s do not instil confidence in me, a little bit scatty and more career focused. They would be content in caging me up and in feeding me their male machismo gratification. Unfortunately, being a sexual slave or an empty vessel does not appeal to me. This group is good with words, which are a skill of treachery. It's those lovely words we succumb to ladies and when you get to the route of the words there is no core. So for a woman who falls deep quickly she is left emotionally wounded wondering how did it all happen? With the lingering question- I thought he loved me? Sorry but this group won't help connect with the why's, how’s and when's. They are the doers and go getters, catch them possibly in their late 30s then maybe just maybe there may be some connection of truth.
My venture continues...................
No comments:
Post a Comment