Moments of Awakening (Dream vs Reality)

"Freud once pointed out that the people who break under the strain of too great success do so because they can endure it only in imagination, not in reality." There are days when it dawns on me that I have awoken to myself yet again. In those moments I am spirited to pursuance of life and my existence in it. I embrace who, I am and who I can be. Moreover acknowledge vividly and without fail how to actualise my full potential. I grasp onto the ideal and my imagination runs wild. Now if I was a painter or a creative artist of some sort, illustrations of all these vivid imaginative thoughts would flow fluidly in seconds and you would be dazzled in amazement. Unfortunately, more than often my failings demonstrate themselves in my inability to actualise my potential. So I continue and linger on with the rest of society. I choose to continue to live in automatic pilot. I watch others mostly TV characters (e.g. directors and artists) and admire their potential and ability to actualise their dreams into some form of reality. My highest skill is being a dreamer and an imaginative creator only in the mind. My reality qualities lay in achieving and climbing up the career ladder. I give more than 100% percent to a professional cause, which pays for my livelihood and nothing beyond greater depth of personal rewards. I am astute to identifying what my skills are, especially analytical skills. The challenge continues on, accompanied with toxic ground hog days. I wake up and excel in the professional arena and utilise my resources until I have minimal capacity for self investment. During downtime, I have nothing remaining or the same level of will to excel myself to achieve just for me. I revert back to the dreamer in me, and dream of a beautiful life and what I could achieve. Now if I dreamt in tangile pictures; you would be amazed at my super capabilities. The me in reality is full of excuses for the reason I could not be the real me. The excuses role out much easier than the doing. Moments of awakening at the most and on a good day last for a full day. That full day could count as a full days labour. If you inspected what I had actually achieved you could quantify only my dreams. In reality my dreams would add no value to me or you without the actualisation. So my question lies what stops me; excluding the toxic excuses? Nothing but only me. The reality is that, what I actually dream I may not want. Or perhaps fear itself stops me; the fear of what I could actually be. I have become accustomed to being a victim of social injustice. Its not about not having any money to invest in actualising a dream. It's more about being accoustomed to being a commodity to a social system consisting of automated robots built to maneuver a repetitive labour conveyor belt with no rewards to self. I imagine the brave self jumping off the belt of labour multiple times. The independent me, in my imagniary world dreams of becoming independent of this automated conveyor labour belt. The rebel in me, imagines walking in the opposite direction of the 9-5 labourers; moreover tap dancing my way out of the social norms and routines. The utlimate freedom of letting go off the social and capital nomalisation, demonstrates itself in being able to wake up everyday enjoying and loving self actualisation. Its about having the flexibility to produce a living without being chained to social norms. When I dream, I certaintly do not dream about sitting at desk, typing away to no end of self reward. There is a rebel in me waiting to explode and ready to unleash myself. My inner voice and dreamy imagination has reached its peak. The painful reality is living everyday with the inner will screaming at you, every sec, every min,every hour and so on. There is only so much mind dumbing a person can take well me, as my mind is forever screaming away. "Wake up you fool, and do something before its too late." Wait for it, the me in reality has a response to this- yet another excuse. "Whats the point anyway, if I die there would be no point of having worked hard anyway." Time to actualise my potential right? The debate continues with me (reality) and me (internal beautiful creature you).