Awakening Moments

Event 1 "I feel stuck in life and do not know how to become unstuck You could plan small goals and progressively start to change your life. The thing is I actually do not want to or feel motivated to want to change anything in my life. That doesn't sound like you? I know when I am at best. When I feel good about myself, I am most likely to engage with life. I have lost the confidence within myself. I know what I need to do in order to shift things. I need an extra push and an Existentialist Therapist might just nudge me to into my own awakening I have never looked at therapy that way and always assumed if I sought therapy it would almost be like being self-indulgent. That's interesting!!! Most people do perceive therapy as a last result. For me it's a way of being. It's something that has helped me in the past to become unstuck" Event 2 "It's chilly tonight's and looks as though its going to rain. That is life, why worry about things when you can't change things. You have an optimistic view to life. I tend to not worry and take life as it comes. I ignore the news because I know most of the messages are geared to making us worry about things." Dream "I dreamt a baby died. There we were and there I was. I was a spectator at a funeral for a baby. I was there amongst many consoling a man who had lost his baby. There I was hugging him and trying to contain my own grief. I let him cry and lean on me. I rubbed his back as he sobbed like a baby. He was tall, blond and he felt like someone I knew and had been with. He wore a blue jumper and jeans. There we were, we hopped on and off a coach to the funeral and back. It was a hot summers day, the sun was shimmering. I walked hand and hand with the aggrieved man, as we got off the coach. I felt a huge burden and deep hole within me. I started to awaken the reality of my dream. The man was was my partner; my boyfriend. The baby was mine. Deep sorrow sunk in... I awoke to me, it had all been a dream. I still felt pain and sorrow in my awaken state, which last till mid afternoon." Two encounters, one with a friend and one with a taxi driver plus a dream led me to engage once again with life. I felt rejuvenated yet again and time became precious and not to be wasted. The words of the a friend, " a achieve things in steps. " The words of a taxi drive, why worry about things?" The loss and death of an unborn baby, all events intertwined within my subconscious and nudged me back to life. As the paint brush struck the kitchen wall, I awoke to me and realised in that moment that certain events in life happen for a reason. These events occurred for a reason, and pushed me to awaken to me. I awoke with a new energy which shifted me to be active and engaged with life Whilst I was pealing wall paper, I started to realise, I could achieve things in small steps. I could take my time in order to achieve something greater. That I did not need money or someone else in order to achieve this task. I began to realise my inactivity and feeling sorry for myself week had not produce results. I echoed the words, I was born to an achiever. I was born to be an achiever, and will achieve Then I remembered what my parents had achieved. What was my excuse? There was none- I had to do and become. Why worry about things? The taxi drivers words stuck a cord in my heart. Why worry indeed. I believe certain things in life happen for a reason I have once again become an active participant in my own life

Preparing for my Death

Each day I live, I a step closer to death I shift my life towards progression which will eventually end in death Each day I shred a piece of my existence in order to reach a step closer to death I shred my past and my current existence in order to not burden those I will eventually leave behind As I sit here shredding old papers and what can now be symbolised as rubbish which once represent me as an individual, I shred a bit of my existence I shred a piece of me for pastures anew I have the urgency to be, to do and be something and someone today and not tomorrow Each day follows with successions of questioning whether I have achieved enough. What is enough and is there such a thing as being content with life? I am at the peak of life where questioning becomes more prevalent than ever to the point at times living comes to a standstill at its worst becomes obsolete My aims? Aiming to be and become rather than being stuck in the day to day of doing just for the sake of doing I shred a piece of me everyday and each day is a day closer to my death Only and only in reflective moments like these do I appreciate the presence of death Tomorrow I will wake up and become the norm and revert back to the doing for the sake of doing Only my conscious is still exists and is forever pushing me realise that with life comes death My conscious pushes me to realise I am not special and unique to live forever and do not hold a special entitlement The daily battle continues and I continue to embrace life for as long as I have got it I want to win me little by little each day I live

Maker of my OWN Destiny

I am the maker of my own destiny and no one else No one owes me a living Only I can determine how to succeed in life and what I wish to acquire I was not born a quitter to life, nor do I intend to start doing so Life does not beat or defeat me for I can overcome obstacles I can achieve one small thing per day and that in itself is progress rather than lying still I was born a fighter and I intend to continue doing being so Life is not and was not meant for me to feel sorry for myself I am the master of my own destiny and in the driving seat No one but me can decide which way to go I am the maker of my own destiny