Death Anxiety

There are so many things which become more apparent and transparent through the infliction of death anxiety 

1) Life becomes redefined into mindfulness and meaningfulness 

2) The heart becomes consumed with sorrowful and everlasting pain with a void which can never be replaced 

3) The things that once appeared significant become meaningless and just minor obstacles to true living 

4) The daily norms of normality, "dress up to show-work assembly line," becomes even questionable on the purposefulness 

5) Friendships are tested with some trials and tribulations and only the true souls turn up to rescue one from the sinking ship. A light is shown on false friendships, strength prevails and propels one to the true souls

6) Risk tasking becomes the authentic way of being for there is no longer time to waste 

7) Tomorrow no longer matters, maximising today becomes more important. For tomorrow never comes 

8) The doubts are replaced with assurance and certainties of MUST and WILL 

9) True appreciation of family becomes even more present 

9) The longing, needing and aching for the one now deceased becomes a daily battle to learning how to live without 

10) Food, drink, weather, physical and emotional being, social communication become sustenance and substitutes to suppress or alleviate the aching soul temporarily

The death anxiety is not the fear of death. It is the heightened deep appreciation of death, and the knowing that there is no eternity to any soul on earth. 

The death anxiety is the peeling of yet another layer of oneself; the re-learning of how to live yet again without an extra soul on this earth 

Death anxiety, is internal conflict between needing freedom from pain, yet not wanting the pain to disappear; for if pain disappeared so would true existence and appreciation of death; and life's true meaning

By CFM 

She Laid There Still

She Laid there Still   

She laid there still knowing this was the last goodbye

She laid thinking this is the last time ever, to hear their echoing voices 

She laid thinking how fearful she had been all along

She laid there thinking she no longer feared it 

She laid still as she heard their voices and footsteps disappear in the background for the last time 

She laid there knowing, what they didn't know 

She laid there all alone for hours, minutes, seconds; while she fought for everything 

She laid there all alone, perhaps wondering, or not wondering at all about what it meant to finally let go 

She laid there alone fighting, fighting for each and every breath 

She laid there thinking and knowing it would be her last day 

She laid in fear thinking; I do not want to go, I am not ready to go 

She lay there thinking if only and if I could, or had 

She lay knowing it was time to let go 

She lay there thinking, how sad it was to let go, but also freeing at the same time to let go

She laid thinking it was time to finally join her maker 

She laid thinking this is it, "I no longer have fight in me."

She laid please they were not there for her last hours, minutes, seconds; "for it is better for them not to see me go."

She laid there thinking I will always love them eternally 

She laid with ease and knew her time had come 

She laid still finally without thinking and let go until she fell into internal sleep 

She laid there still, until they came 

She laid there only still, only this time she could not hear their cries and loving words 

She lay there, she lay there still 

By CFM_310315