A 22nd Century Kind of Love

What ever happened to sweet sixteen type of love? The type of love that promised forever. The excitement of tingling feelings and being swept off one 's feet due to being madly and intoxicatingly  in love 

Love: The deep emotional gut feeling of being unable to sleep, think, breath without the other 

The tingling sessions in the stomach, heart beating and echoing tunes of love 

The feelings of waking up/going to sleep to music of l'amour 

That type of love did exist at one point and has now become history to only be replaced with nostalgic memories. 

This love died to only be replaced with a different type of love. A 22nd century kind of love 

This kind of love of waiting by the landline rotary dial tone phone, or waiting for the love note to be delivered by a messenger does not exist anymore

The new love that now exists is the text and touch type, kind of like not love  

This like  is of the lazy kind, which consists of protecting ones soul from the emotional responsibility of the other 

This type of like has no type or form of traditional institutions and breaks all barriers of 'social norms,' 

Gone are the days of finding or being set up by a potential suitor,  why waste time when there is so many more virtual social platforms to tick yes or no to a potential someone. To then yet again easily reject, because the virtual profile  picture does not meet the instantaneous need.

Too short, too tall, too fat, too thin; the list could go on 

By ticking yes to your profile it means: lets forget about knowing each other really, or even better yet talking. Lets text a bit then meet in person. When we meet lets take a few seconds to check each other and decide within a seconds of meeting , you and I just not meant to be  

Lets pretend to chat just a bit, to be kind to each other for the sake of it, or for that much needed company for that one hour; because we have both been deprived of that contact 

Better yet lets a play, where one of us pursues what they want, which includes using you just for the sake of it, just because its all possible; as they are many other options. If I win the game and you fall for my tricks then it means you are not the one, only lets not be open about it 

When we leave lets forget we ever met, yet not ever communicate via text with each other anymore, for why would we want to waste time when the social virtual platform has so many and much more potentials or maybes to offer 

You not just the one for- therefore I have rescued my emotions by texting, meeting you for a minute, then crossing you out with a big cross like you never existed. Like you were a jig saw puzzle that didn't work that now needs to be replaced with another piece 

For you are too short, too tall, too fat, too thin; the list could go on 

Lets go back to the drawing board and start again, tick yes/no, maybe, text chat, meet in person, to only cross you yet another one out again 

Like not Love of the 22nd century kind ... Whatever happened to the type of love that promised and meant forever 

Unchain the Heavy Shackles

Heavy shackles chained around the ankles and dead weight carried voluntarily for many years. An easy habit to adapt and become a self-inflicted skilled expert. So easy it has been to no longer notice the impact of the shackles. An easy life of being the rescuer, supporter and everything without a seconds thought of the shackles. 

The shackles represent you, for I have carried you for so long without a second thought. 

I no longer wish to ignore you. I need to give you a second chance at life. 

You intrude my life once in a while, and transfix me into a dreamlike state. You appear in a ghost like state, dressed in a pink flowing dress and surrounded by a dark background. Your big protruding and saddened eyes glare at me intensely, whilst your whole being remains motionless.  Each time,  I refrain from engaging with you any minute longer for your intensity is too much to bear. I fear what caring and loving you would feel like and only imagine overwhelming feelings; so I shut you out from my world. 

I need to allow you to live and stop wounding you slowly. I want to enable a chance in life for you to actualise your dreams and goals. I want you to no longer be fearful of exposing you, who you are, or could become as a person only for the fear of judgement. 

I want you to realise that I only shut you away because I was too scared to look at you and to see you. I want you to know I never stopped loving you and do care very much for you and deeply love you. I want you to know we never parted and I have always been there.

 I want you to know that I have always loved you always, but could not bear to see your sad face. I never meant to suppress you, nor to keep you in the dark for a minute longer. I need to hear you and listen to what you want to achieve in life. I owe you and need to actualise your childhood crayon dreams -you scribbled with endless creatively to only be denied by me and hidden from the world for so long. 

I just realised it was so much easier to rescue others and not you. You were never in my dreams, I never ran back in my recurring nightmares to rescue you. I only had the strength to rescue others and not you. So I left you and trapped you in an endlessly realm of emotional disengagement. 

I have realised you would have been so much easier to rescue. I acknowledge now that you are so much easier to rescue even though initially I may not have the physical and emotional strength to carry you. 

 You are so much easier for me to rescue now, for you are only one person. I can rescue you, support you and encourage you. I now recognise you ad can just mange to look into your eyes a bit longer. 

How could  I have ignored you for so long? I do hope my actions from now will only show what you mean to me and that you will eventually forgive me. 

It has been easier for me not to actualise your goals and to be the rescuer or others at the expense of gradually losing the true you. I am ready to now embrace you entirely and to reach out to you; to pull you out from the darkness and into the light. You need to shine and smile endlessly again just as you did. 

How could I continue to ignore you, the person I should love the most in the world, for you are me after-all. 

The shackles around my ankles are now unchained and I am ready to experience free will with you, to love you, me and us again 

I am ready to walk hand in hand with you on the same path to our new journey of self-discovery

Write

My task for the next two weeks 

I have been asked to write

Write 

I am to write 

When asked to write, what does one write about? 

This task I have been told is meant to benefit me 

I meant to write 

A task I have been given to describe me; to consider me 

To write 

Write about the whys, who, what- the habitual habit I have become 

The task 

I am to discover possibly, the who in the I am and the what in the we and us 

I am to consider the rescuer, pleaser and protector in me 

The me in the us and the we, we have become, 

I am to consider my non-existence in the us and how things would be

I am to write

Winter has arrived and spring has yet sprung upon 

I am to write 

Write, where am I to begin? 

Little Angel

I feel you 

Now the winter has come, I know spring will soon come 

As spring comes around the corner, I begin to think of you 

A thought now and again crosses my mind and I wonder about you 

My angel your daddy dreamt about you before you were born

There he stood on a hot summers days in front of Italian shuttered windows and whispered in my ear 

He whispered lovingly about you, you my dear angel 

Once in a while, I think of what could have been 

 My tummy yearns for you once in while 

I often think about what a kick would have like; what a nudge of your feet pressing against my tummy would feel  

 You my little angel, I imagine you being a little boy 

Spring will soon come 

As spring arrives , I will once again begin to imagine you; oh little one looking up at me and reaching your little arms towards me - your words which I wish to hear, but can only imagine them;

Oh how I wish I could have held and heard you my little angel; 

I imagine you wearing a blue shirt and white shorts 

I imagine you my little angel with curly hair 

I imagine you my angel and what our world would have been like 

Little angel I feel you and continue to wonder ..... 

My Habibi

My habibi that's who you will always be to me 

Short lived loved it was my habibi 

A paradise we found without the need of building one 

We lived a dream many only dream about 

The love that was not at first site became everlasting 

I adored and admired you just as you obsessively loved me 

I cherished you in turn you  protected me from the world and from its demons 

The paradise sunlight shined upon us endlessly

Our relationship my habibi weathered all storms 

My habibi, little did we know the end was nigh  

Little did I know darkness would fall upon us and taint our eternal love; for your sunlight became no longer 

Your protection shielded my heart no longer 

Your admiration of me turned into toxicity 

Your toxic internal world began to unravel right in front of you and I 

Your physical being, once adorned and admired by me was replaced by a demon, you once protected me from;

Your physicality expressed itself in foreign tongues which could not be cured by exorcists 

Your loving words, which once warmed my hear turned to bitterness and churned my stomach. Each word you spat hit my aching heart and burnt like acid 

The storms which once belonged to nature no longer belonged to nature; instead you inhaled the storms and threw one hail stone at time towards my way

You, my shield were no longer, instead you gravitated toward a volcano, and enjoyed dragging me towards your burning lava   

My habibi that you were 

Now and again I cry a silent cry and think about what was and could have been 

My habibi for eternity we were meant to be 

Little did we know you ....