Heavy shackles chained around the ankles and dead weight carried voluntarily for many years. An easy habit to adapt and become a self-inflicted skilled expert. So easy it has been to no longer notice the impact of the shackles. An easy life of being the rescuer, supporter and everything without a seconds thought of the shackles.
The shackles represent you, for I have carried you for so long without a second thought.
I no longer wish to ignore you. I need to give you a second chance at life.
You intrude my life once in a while, and transfix me into a dreamlike state. You appear in a ghost like state, dressed in a pink flowing dress and surrounded by a dark background. Your big protruding and saddened eyes glare at me intensely, whilst your whole being remains motionless. Each time, I refrain from engaging with you any minute longer for your intensity is too much to bear. I fear what caring and loving you would feel like and only imagine overwhelming feelings; so I shut you out from my world.
I need to allow you to live and stop wounding you slowly. I want to enable a chance in life for you to actualise your dreams and goals. I want you to no longer be fearful of exposing you, who you are, or could become as a person only for the fear of judgement.
I want you to realise that I only shut you away because I was too scared to look at you and to see you. I want you to know I never stopped loving you and do care very much for you and deeply love you. I want you to know we never parted and I have always been there.
I want you to know that I have always loved you always, but could not bear to see your sad face. I never meant to suppress you, nor to keep you in the dark for a minute longer. I need to hear you and listen to what you want to achieve in life. I owe you and need to actualise your childhood crayon dreams -you scribbled with endless creatively to only be denied by me and hidden from the world for so long.
I just realised it was so much easier to rescue others and not you. You were never in my dreams, I never ran back in my recurring nightmares to rescue you. I only had the strength to rescue others and not you. So I left you and trapped you in an endlessly realm of emotional disengagement.
I have realised you would have been so much easier to rescue. I acknowledge now that you are so much easier to rescue even though initially I may not have the physical and emotional strength to carry you.
You are so much easier for me to rescue now, for you are only one person. I can rescue you, support you and encourage you. I now recognise you ad can just mange to look into your eyes a bit longer.
How could I have ignored you for so long? I do hope my actions from now will only show what you mean to me and that you will eventually forgive me.
It has been easier for me not to actualise your goals and to be the rescuer or others at the expense of gradually losing the true you. I am ready to now embrace you entirely and to reach out to you; to pull you out from the darkness and into the light. You need to shine and smile endlessly again just as you did.
How could I continue to ignore you, the person I should love the most in the world, for you are me after-all.
The shackles around my ankles are now unchained and I am ready to experience free will with you, to love you, me and us again
I am ready to walk hand in hand with you on the same path to our new journey of self-discovery
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