"Touched and Twitched a Raw Nerve, without a Stake Knife"

Touched and Twitched a Raw Nerve without a stake knife

Forgive this floetry, for I don’t write to correct any mistakes, I write to just let it flow ( so no grammar, spelling or review) let’s just let it flow and be imperfect just for a second; need to write it all down to rationalise what the f… sake has happened

Frustrated, at the bullshit factor …………………..

It is not the death itself that is hard

It is the bullshit that comes along with it all after a dearly loved soul has passed

It is the bullshit and nonsense that does not allow the breathing space to actually consider that one needs to breathe and have space to grieve for someone meaningful

It is the carelessness in the human nature of what it means to the other to lose something so meaningful

It is the absurdity of it all that a life once very meaningful becomes worthless in the aftermath by the other

The bullshit is the bureaucracy the paper punching, the administrative tasks that need to be done, in the duty of closing a case

The bullshit is losing meaning in what a human soul means and the value becoming the paper exercise and administrative task in place of a human life

The bullshit becomes eagle and the sense of entitlement by those in powerful positions, or those who feel they have two cents or dimes to drop into something that doesn’t really involve them

It is the absurd concept of man/woman feeling the sense of entitlement over something that wasn’t theirs to begin with; but the crazy thing in all of this is what they are fighting for is not, ‘the deceased human being,’ for each has a stake in what they feel, 'is owed to them of all a sudden.'

I call these things the bullshit people, the shift shaper’s for they didn't really care, they had an end result, no matter what the stake. They had a duty to ensure they got what they wanted in the end, regardless if you became the victim of their cause along their way

No matter the fact that they dressed up in an angel suit to win your heart. For they can easily change into devil suits which come bearing the gift of, 'let's stab you deep to wound your soul even deeper' 

It is the bull shifters at the end of the day, who hug you and kiss you and let you know all will be okay, and the second your back is turned stab you in back

 The bull shifters are the one’s who during pre-crisis moments, ‘ pretend to care,’ and the moment something critical happens no longer exist or cease any meaningful contact  

 It is the bullshit that takes over the factor of forgetting that a human life, has been lost which had meaning, had a soul and did actually have a true existence in this world

 It is the blatant arrogance and the ego, ‘the I deserve to be entitled and who gives a f… that someone has passed away.’  and the transparent back stabbing, which take place without shame nor guilt after your loved one has deceased their existence from this so called world

 It is the professionals dressed in disguise (white or blue print  uniforms, or a fancy suit who pretend to care all the same way, like a dress rehearsal of etiquette- all in the name of procedures), who have their own ultimate outcome- that is to achieve whatever means they can to get what is “owned to them, the organisation” no matter what the cost

 Forget the fact they comforted you, or befriended you, they have a means to an end; that is stamp duty; to complete a process which demonstrates their task is done

 You after all are a case that needs to be closed for good, one less case off the desk   

 Forget the fact that a human entity existed

It is the bullshit of it all that is frustrating, painstakingly hurtful and painful

It is the bureaucracy that takes the human factor of it all out of the human nature

Forget the fact that you could be impacted and go through the experience of losing someone

Forget the fact that you actually do care

 At the end of the day, a nurse may dress up in a costume, a hospital manager may wear their best tie for the day, a finance manager may present their spreadsheet well for the day; filled with I am entitled

 At the end of the day, no matter how friendly, compassionate any person you encounter along the way, they have a job to do

 Their task is to ensure they have crossed their ‘T’s correctly, adhered to their policies and procedures and punched the right corners to ensure at the end of the day that they have completed the job, ‘their job.’

It is a job at the end of the day, you are a number

 Do not consider just because that person is being empathetic or cordial that they at the end have your best interest at heart. In the end everyone has got a job to do in order to be paid, or to reach a result

 It is not the loss or losing that is difficult

 It is the bullshit of it all it all, the bureaucracy that takes all the human factor out of compassion, out of caring or being empathetic enough; to actually stop for one minute to consider that a LIFE INDEED ONCE EXISTED AND NOW IS DEAD

 The effect or impact of FEELING LOSS only happens when one is placed in the same particular position, and actually feels the impact of what it feels like to be listed as a number, to experience what it feels like not to be important

 To experience what it feels like, to just be another number on someone else’s’ register (that is no longer your ticking box), which needs to be closed soon enough and guess what you do not have a say or control over

 It is the bullshit of it that distracts enabling those who have lost to actually experience in peace what it means to actually lose someone

 It is the nonsense and bullshit that gets into the way; with a sense of I feel entitled to claim ownership now the person who is now DEAD.

 All I have to say to that is, I am f…….. and who do you think you are? Last time I checked you bled and felt just like me, us another human being

 Do not expect that the same bullshit that is happening to me won’t happen to you.

 Don’t expect for one second that I expect the same ill shit that you put upon me.

 Let’s not get our wires crossed

 No matter the bureaucracy and the hole punching process, what makes me different in this whole bullshit process is that I DO FEEL and DO NOT PRETEND TO FEEL

 Lets stop pretending for one second that you actually care that the person, I actually love meant one single thing to you. Let’s just stop, AND STOP THE BULLSHIT

 Let just stop completely for more than a second

After all you have a job to do- so let’s cut out the bullshit-

In the end, in LIFE there is meaning, in DEATH there is no meaning

At the end of the day everyone and everybody thinks they have an entitlement and a stake, IN DEATH

There is no human act in this cause, just another selfishness and bullshit

Had to let it all out- because it is all absurd, meaningless and ridiculous

It is the bullshit and shapeshift factor of it, that make me feel all f…

So lets drop the mask and stop pretending for the sake of paper punching

At the end of the day there is ‘a human being (s), and we have to be able to sleep at night with a conscience of what if, what it happened to me?

What if it happened to me and I lost someone I deadly and truly loved?

ould I continue to be a paper puncher, a number cruncher, for the sake of bureaucracy?

I feel f…. of and mad at the world and its entities-human beings who have become mummified for the sake of just being mummified, which in the end depletes the ‘human factor,

I feel f… because it happened to me and it has happened to me

I feel f….. and I have to write it down in order to decipher what has happened to ‘the human factor’

What have we lost?

Still f… off for it has happened to me

~The question is will you actually connect with me, or disregard me, as just another number???? Will you take into consideration that I have lost?

Will you consider, that what I have lost is not a staple or a hole puncher? That you will consider for one second that what I have lost is a human entity and not an item?

I have indeed lost a human entity, something tangible and something with meaningful

Will you treat me or others in a different way???

F… off still at the bullshit_ness of this world

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