Yesterday

Yesterday I heard your voice

I heard you call my name 

Although you called my name only once it did not matter 

Your voice was so familiar, so much so it made by heart stop a beat

The sound of your voice, echoed a familiar tone which struck my heart into a surreal state of calmness 

At the sound of your voice,  my body froze from all movement, whilst my feet gravitated towards the pavement 

Sea breeze swept calmly across my face motioning me to turn towards your echoing voice only to stare into nothingness 

Your voice raised the hairs on the back of my neck- made me alert to the unimaginable world 

Stopped frozen and still to only see the sea waters float back and forth like a surrealist painter's  brush  stokes motioned into stillness 

Stillness and calmness

I  realised I would not hear your voice again 

This was the time - whether it be a second , minute to appreciate  an opportune moment. An opportune moment that I had heard you, your voice and you called my name out loud  

Wishful thinking and thoughts of wishing you were not only my imagination and that you were here forevermore. Never departed this earth 

Love you forever more dad 

CFM 

A House-Sitter

Designated the role of the house sitter without even qualifying, or being assessed if one is skilled for the job 

A house sitter 

Destined and destitute to be in this role for life only without knowing 

A house sitter

Exciting adventure like a roller coaster, only there is no jumping allowed off this roller coaster. 

Only with the exemption of dire situations and only if one is left dangling at life's end; then can one be rescued from house-sitting duties 

The rescuer well the funny thing is there is no rescuer when it comes to being a house-sitter

A Rescuer or Rescuers (vultures) only assist or take-over during extremes emergencies 

In the meantime you toss and turn, endless sleepless nights. Try to succeed in  life from throwing one dice deal to the next. Only in this game there are not many life lines, or many winners 

For it is an elite games consisting of vampires and vultures in waiting; craving  and aching to be the next successor to supersede your duties without a seconds thought. They only  seeks to aim and destroy at no seconds though and for personal gain 

You are indebted  to forever be grateful for earning a piece and stake in the crumbling apple pie 

Only this piece of pie will crumbles and perishes soon enough to only be replaced by something greater and more magnificent 

House-Sitter yes that's what I, we are duty bound to be. For you are either a renter, temporary buyer- pardon, "a house owner." 

We are in the end all house-sitters 

CFM 

Melancholy

The feeling of waking up like a wounded soldier, only not knowing what that feeling would feel like 

The feeling  of being cut open, without being sedated, only not knowing what that feeling would be like 

The feeling of being buried or drowned alive, only not knowing what that feeling would feel like 

The feeling of being shot for no reason, only not knowing what that feeling would feel like 

This type of feeling- melancholy they call it,  is of a different kind and of a familiar kind

It's like the feeling of waking up with deep pain in the heart, only understanding what it feels like, but not knowing why 

It's like the feeling of deep hurt, which only feels like a feeling one experiences following an extraordinary, or tragic event 

It's the like feeling of the whole world closing in and shutting its door one by one, only your world symbolises the elevator you can longer go in, because of all the sudden it has become smaller than it used to be.

It's like the feeling of fighting for survival, only there is no major battle, only this battle is against oneself. It is the fear and the constant questioning that then becomes ones world 

If I, or will I. If I did, then I could possibly die, or panic. Will I go into that lift or crowd, if I  did then I might faint, or get lost in the madness of the crowd 

It's the feeling that cuts deep and never goes away, with all the wishing in the world 

It's the feeling that takes control and drowns everything else in the world 

It's that feeling that drives the curtains to be drawn the whole day; and the bed or sofa then become comforters for the whole day, and if only the comforters could be permanent  fixtures for life- If only- wishful thinking 

It's the feeling that with WILL & EXTRAORDINARY POWER, one can overcome by embracing the world and all it's absurd madness 

It's the feeling that without a dose of talking out aloud and talking to loved ones; IT  the feeling might just drive you crazy and  never go away 

It's the feeling that when you are in the comfort of true friends, you feel you can let your guard down and just be, or even just cry for no reason, without a need to explain 

It's the feeling of knowing that you are not alone in this world, although it may feel like darkness is of comfort 

It's the feeling that with all your WILL you can ride with IT, the Feeling and still engage in this world, to just get a little dose of light 

It's the feeling that a little escape once in a while is okay; for time to reflect and engage with one self, but for not too long for the world awaits ready to embrace you upon your return 

It's the feelings of realising that you may have woken up feeling like shit only to realise that you are not alone and that the mind numbing and dummying  pain will go away 

It's the feeling that you know you have power to overcome and alcohol or drugs can never be substitutes, for you know they are only temporary measures 

It's the feeling of knowing that you will eventually unravel melancholia only to be confronted with you 

TGIF xoxo 

It's the feeling of the whole closing in and shutting its door one by one, only your world becomes the elevator you can longer go in, because of all the sudden it has become smaller than it used to be.

It's like the feeling of fighting for survival, only there is no major battle, only this battle is against self. It is the fear and the contact questioning that then becomes ones world 

If I, or will I. If I, could possibly die, or panic. Will I go into that lift or crowd, if I might faint or get lost in the madness of the crowd 

It's the feeling that cuts deep and never goes, with all the wishing in the world 

It's the feeling that takes control and drowns everything else in the world 

It's that feeling that drives the curtains to be drawn the whole day, and the bed or sofa then become comforters for the day, and if only they could be for life. Only wishful thinking 

It's the feeling that with will, one can overcome by embracing the world and all it's absurd madness 

It's the feeling that with a dose of talking aloud and talking to loved ones that may drive you crazy can go away 

It's the feeling that when you are in the comfort of true friends, you feel you can let your guard down and just be, or even host cry for no reason, without a need to explain 

It's the feeling of knowing that you are not alone in this world, although it may feel darkness is of comfort 

It's the feeling that with all your will you can ride with and still engage in this world, to just get a little dose of light 

It's the feeling that a little escape once in a while is okay, for time to reflect and engage with one self, but for not too long for the world awaits ready to embrace you upon your return 

It's the feelings of realising that you may have woken up feeling like shit only to realise that you are not alone and that the mind numbing and dummying  pain will go away 

It's the feeling that you know you have power to overcome and alcohol or drugs can never be substitutes, for you know they are only temporary measures 

It's the feeling of knowing that you will eventually unravel melancholia only to be confronted with you 

TGIF xoxo 

The Tower Bridge Faltering

A bridge can only contain and take on so much before it falters 

Now imagine trying to move all your life's possessions and baggage across a bridge, back and forth only to cross securely to the other side 

Each time you cross, the bridge becomes weaker and weaker and overtime decays 

Now imagine trying to fill a cargo ferry with your life's work and  baggage, just to cross the seas to pastures anew  

The ferry could only contain so much, before it started to sink, subside then ultimately sink 

 

A tower of strength, stretched far and across the seas

Stood still and strong for ages to provide a support system, across stormy waters and harshness of rocky storms 

The tower of fortitude sustaining all that's comes its way. 

The tower,  crashed and bruised along the way from overuse and reliance as a support system 

Now imagine if all that strength were to subside and crumble into the seas along with ferry, into an endless vicious water pint  

Wait pose and rewind 

Now imagine if you stopped, thought for a second recognised the ferry or tower for ifs strength and the support it has provided for so long 

Imagine if you off loaded some of your baggage, just enough to recognise the dark surface of the ferry

The tower- it's vulnerability exposed so raw,  it's metal so rusty to its core 

Have your ever tried off loading some of your own baggage 

Now imagine you and your strength and support systems. Which one are you? 

The tower or bridge that holds everything and only to let it pass. The ferry that crosses the stormy seas. 

Or the cargo that's rides along through everything without a second thought about the impact on the tower, bridge or ferry? 

There is something about Africa- African Music & Dance

"Something about Africa,  African Dance, African Music....there is just something."- MVM...  following a video post by African Muzik Magazine on Facebook about Best Wedding Entrance Dance 

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I have woken to the spirit of African music and dance. So much so, I was inspired to invest in Brenda Fassie's albums by purchasing & downloading two of her best albums 

I had to engage and contain this feeling that was vibrating within me for as long as could. I sprung out of bed by 5am ready,  dressed and ready to dance my way into the world; trainers on check and ready to go for a long walk. As I waited for my phone to charge and revive itself, I danced and embraced  Brenda's music. Unusual huh? There is something about African music and dance.....

As Lucky Dube once sang, " I am going back, back to my roots, ... 

"African Music-My Roots" 

The sound of African music resonates within my soul, no matter where I may in the world. Upon hearing the sound of African music, I am shifted and drafted back home  like  a lost solider who has found his way home once again 

Azonto music makes me want to jump up and off my seat, reach out and skip to the tune of the beat;  I become less inhibited and oblivious to  my surroundings. So much so, I yearn to reconnect to people - anyone with the same rhythm beating through their heart  

Kwaito makes me want to slow my pace a bit,  to enable my body to loop and wind to the beats, and to appreciate the soul within the music

My inhibitions are wiped away, and replaced with a sense of pride and belonging 

African music reminds me of the laughter of my father and echoes of his voice. Takes me back to times when we drove for miles on end, with tapes on rewind playing in the background to Lucky Durby, Brenda Fassie, the list is endless 

I feel a spiritual connection to African music & Dance, that resonates deep within the core of my soul

I am reminded that my bones within my body were not made from lazy bones, neither is my spine fragile nor brittle - rather a fortitude meant to dance to the tune of African Music 

African Music makes me smile, laugh, and emotional, so much I want to hug random strangers along the way- from all nations in order for them to feel the spirit within me 

As I walk, my strides are transformed and rejuvenated into gracefulness and feelings of pride and reconnection to my nubian ancestors 

Their spirits move me through music, so much so I want to dance, as though I have just downed multiple triple shots of espresso

I am reconnected and teleported back physically and emotional to the roots of my ancestors 

The beats of the music make me want to dance with my shoes off, so I can feel the surface in order to reconnect with my ancestors spirits 

The motion and stamps of my feet onto the ground vibrate and shutter the ground  like an earthquake breaking through barriers and beyond across the seas towards my roots; 

 I am once again reconnected to me and my people 

I hear their echoes through the music calling out to me, shifting me emotionally and gravitating me towards their powerful force through dance

I hear you, feel you, through music 

Days and years may go without listening or dancing to African music,  but that does not matter. I am rooted to the rhythm, which seats in waiting like a lion ready to pounce and jump out in defence; only my defence and stance is flexible and always ready to embrace the music and dance 

Reminds me again that these feet, legs, arms, belly,  waist and the rest of my body were  meant to move and shake off and to my god given talent 

There is something about African, African dance, African Music which inspire me into aspiration to be more and do more in this world l; after-all you are my mother Africa  

Yenda mwana, I hear you, I see you, I feel you through music - My Africa 

I Rise

Good morning, I have awoken to me

Mind over matter battle began today at 5am as every other day 

5:30am came and passed then matter began to reside on the familiar of, if not today then tomorrow 

6am came and nearly passed, only this time, before 6am came mind had already won and decided to charge the power and life back into charge mode 

Mind suited, geared and poised set and ready to stride with the sun 

Today mind won and work up with a sense of must awaken to self 

Mind woke up to Self and realised today mattered and matter didn't matter 

Mission accomplished -1hour walk and medication to the sun rise 

Self reflection mode on full charge, physically and mentally charged to embrace the day... Je regret rein 

So I rise... Good Morning  

 

Ethnic Cleansing

Ethnic cleansing of living and innocent souls 

Living souls dying a slow deaf 

One would associate ethnic cleansing to be something dramatic and apparent 

Something very visual and extreme 

On the contrary it can be something so subtle that it can go amiss; whilst watching a three second TV advertisement 

One may sit there see a vision of a child representing a charity pleading for funds to Save the Children; a few moments later the vision of the helpless and vision is forgotten. We become consumed by the next and the next best thing 

Ethnic cleansing is seeing and allowing people, babies, children to die slow deaths due to insufficient food and material water resources; 

It's seeing epidemics spread to the most vulnerable states, first it was Aids now it's Ebola virus. First it was Syria now it's Gaza, now Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia, before that it was Libya and Zimbabwe the list could go and and old 

As it stands now souls continue to die per second 

Universally, had become easier to be desensitised and disconnected to the images and stories; for why engage when it's not happening to me or us right? Why engage when greedy people exist and exploit the innocent right? 

Passive in the process of ethnic cleansing of innocent lives ..... We echoe cries of dislike and live imprints of Facebook, or any other social network that with host us 

It that enough though,??? I wonder, whilst I dispair and aim to do better. For one can no longer afford to be a passive participant