Living in Fear- By Mai Malawi (WordPress Malawian Blogger)

Living in fear: “Ali ndi njira zawo”(they have their ways!)

By Mai Malawi

“Thamanga!” (meaning run!) I yelled looking behind me to see if my sister was behind me as we took off running for home. I cannot tell you how old I was. All I can remember is we raced down the road, did some zigzags around the houses in the neighborhood where we lived to make it home before them. The Malawi Youth Leaguers were at it again going door to door gathering people for the meeting. As kids we had set off from home in search of friends because we wanted to play. That was what we did best but the government had other plans for us. To the meeting place it was. A patch of grass in the middle of the neighborhood where kids used to go and play was today being used for the Malawi Congress Party gathering. We however had other plans. We too had mastered the runaway plan. We ran into the gate and into the house locking all the doors.

Once in the house, even on a hot day like this one we closed all the windows and shut all the curtains as well. Then off we ran to hide under the beds. I don’t remember if it was me or one my sisters who said “osapuma akumva” meaning “don’t breathe, they will hear you.” So we all kept quiet and tried not to breathe. It was a hot day in Africa and here we were in a house with no air-conditioning hiding under the bed. It was as if being a locked house was not enough. We were safe! Such was life under Kamuzu Banda’s reign. Fear factor!

Unfortunately story above is not made up. That was my childhood. There were times when we would walk all the way to the market to get vegetables or some fruits just to get there and notice that you forgot your card. Yes the MCP card. It was not an ID card but more like one pledging allegiance to the Malawi Congress Party except in this case it was a forced pledge. Till today I don’t know why we had to carry that card when really there was just one political party in the country anyway. I found an article, an Africa Watch Report Where Silence Rules (October 1990) Malawi Young Pioneers and Malawi Youth which states:

“…an MCP card is needed to be allowed into a market or board a bus and “it is the duty of … members of the Youth League … to see that everyone buys cards” (15). It goes on to describe the Malawi Young Pioneers as “a national paramilitary youth organization separate from, though overlapping with, the party Youth League” (Ibid.). In 1965, the Young Pioneers “were given powers of arrest and indemnified against any police action against them. Since then they have functioned as a combination of political militia and intelligence network.” (Ibid.)”

To the people they were a group of people being trained in different skills while in essence, the government was killing two birds with one stone. Equipped with tools of self empowerment they were also a Para-military wing for the government. It was no surprise then when lots of weapons were found at their bases, Operation Bwenzani during of transition to a multiparty system. One can argue that the weapons were needed for their work. I stumbled across the excerpt above and was surprised at the powers they had and like most people I thought they were at those bases to be taught skills they would take with them to their villages and in turn would teach others whilst changing their life for the better.
“The future is the past coming returning through another gate.”~ Arnold Glasgow

On July 20^th Malawi had a countrywide demonstration where we lost 20 people. After handing over the petition to the president the Civil Society (CSO) announced that there would be a demonstration on the 17^th of August should the president not respond to their demands. On August 5^th there was news that the ruling party Democratic Peoples Party DPP was forming their own Para-military wing, DPP Cadets. The days of MYP and Malawi Youth League days were back with a new face. During Kamuzu’s time the MYP was mostly used for the intelligence while as the latter was to snitch on others to gain favor in the party.

“DPP cadets will be used to deal with anyone who dares criticize the president and his administration. According to an insider, the meeting also agreed to send cadets to attack and destroy property belonging to opposition and civil society leaders who are suspected to have been masterminds of the July 20 demonstrations.”

Right after this announcement the offices of Institute for Policy Interaction (IPI), Rev MacDonald Sembereka’s home and a number of markets and the offices of the Episcopal Conference of Malawi (ECM) were burnt down by arsonist. Some have alleged that it was these cadets who did it because the CSO leaders and the director of ECM criticized the governments’ inhumane and undemocratic ways. As for the markers we can only assume that they were torched down to get the vendors mad to create civil unrest n the cities. Instead of using such youth groups to mobilize and increase political participation among them it is obvious that the cadets are being used for evil. All incidents are now under investigation.

The current state of affairs in Malawi is a train wreck waiting to happen. Arson, beating up people and harassing them over the phone via text messages etc are some of the tactics the government is using to silence the people. Shoot to kill is the order of the day. Kamuzu days are back and this time in cyber world as well. I know some people genuinely care and would like nothing bad to happen to anyone against the ways of the current regime. I was told via Facebook that they (DPP) will find me and hopefully they will not hurt me. When I asked how I was told “you know their ways, drowning, ngozi (accident), or moto (fire). To that I say we all will have to die someday but detailing how one will be tortured or killed to me is not to be taken lightly.

“Customers are advised that the system can monitor and analyze telecommunications services including SMS and Internet in real time from the information contained within the CDRs. It is our understanding that the system has additional monitoring capabilities,” the operators warn in the statement

Big brother is watching. The government wants to unleash a machine that will basically spy on its own people but an injunction taken out against that action was granted so for now people can sleep easy right? Wrong! You don’t believe me? Call Malawi today and mention DPP see what happens. I got “ayambatu kumvetsela” meaning “they have started listening in on our conversations.” They have genuine cause to be worried. The DPP government officials are like the American republicans in that they do what they want so it wouldn’t surprise me at all that those machines are already in use.
There are those who have chosen to use their power at the election polls and that is okay and to be respected. However there are those of us who choose to speak out, educate the people of their rights so how can that be a wrong thing? Why does someone feel the need to tell me that what I write could be used against me in the court of law? I’m not advocating for the killing or harassment of people but for human rights. Unless you know your rights and duties under the constitution and stop being a passive citizen, you have no right to complain.


The millions of voices in Malawi have been silent due to lack of information, ignorance and illiteracy. Turning this trend around should be at the top of the list if we as a nation are to progress in the right direction. Unfortunately the government wants the 85% illiterate people in that state to manipulate them better. Dictators don’t like to be criticized, have no regard for human rights or laws. This is politics of poverty at its best. Give a man a t-shirt and a bag of fertilizer or maize in exchange for their vote. Whatever happened to teach a man how to fish than giving him a fish? We need more ways of empowering people economically so that they should not be used by these politicians. It‘s like giving a junkie a fix knowing they will be back for more since they rely on you to supply them the drugs. That mindset has to end now. While we are on the subject of poverty politics whatever happened to the building of a fertilizer factory so that we should produce our own and not import from abroad? It’s ok you can say it out loud with me…GREED!

Those using the internet as a tool to intimidate people I would suggest that you please watch the Matrix.

http://blaqkhofi.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/living-in-fear-ali-ndi-njira-zawothey-have-their-ways/

Women's Inspiration Network (Malawi)

WIN aims to help women in business, whether corporate or entrepreneurial in outlook, to anwer two questions.

 “Where do you want to go?” and “Who do you want to be?”

WIN’s key objective is to play a meaningful role, by providing a dynamic space for dialogue, in empowering women in business in Malawi to grow in personal confidence, in professional stature and in societal influence. This will be done by coordinating meaningful events/ gatherings where women can have access to a diverse array of perspectives to add value to their own in order to help in decision making as they work to take up their rightful leadership roles in business, politics and society.

Evelyn Zimba (far left) Senior Maternal and Newborn Programme Manager with her team from Save The Children.

Women’s Inspiration Network is donating a laryngoscope worth K64,255 to Mother’s Fun Run 2011 which this year will benefit Thyolo District Hospital and Thekerani Health Centre.

One Day on Earth- Global Day

Nothing more existential than sharing the here and now of otherness on a global scale- all in one day.



On November 11th, 11.11.11, across the planet, documentary filmmakers, students, and other inspired citizens will record the human experience over a 24-hour period and contribute their voice to the second annual global day of media creation called One Day on Earth.

Founded in 2008, One Day on Earth's first media creation event occurred on 10.10.10. The collaboration was the first ever simultaneous filming event occuring in every country of the world. It created a unique geo-tagged video archive as well as an upcoming feature film.

One Day on Earth, showcases the amazing diversity, conflict, tragedy, and triumph that occurs in one day.

Join the international community of thousands of filmmakers, hundreds of schools, and dozens of non-profits, and contribute to this unique global mosaic. One Day on Earth is a community that not only watches, but participates.

http://archive.onedayonearth.org/index.php/videos

http://vimeo.com/26378195

Donations:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=U24YTG2UAT44Q

Woman shall not dwell in kitchen alone…

Promoting another blogger- msbinafrica
The following blog made my train journey on a cold winter Monday, much more enjoyable. How the blog fits in with existentialism, I shall analyse later:)

Recently I was invited to a party at a colleague’s home. Now unfortunately I did not know anyone at this party except my husband and a couple of his friends. As we arrived I realised that all the men were outside and alas all the women had migrated to the Kitchen… OHHHHH NO!!! Not again… where is it written in the book of partying that ‘women shall be in kitchen whilst men party outside’ I am sick and tired of dressing up and ending up cutting meat and onions for the braai. I am not lazy, I love cooking but I didn’t leave my own kitchen at home and get dressed so I can come and play house girl in yours… this was meant to be a PARTY not part time household employment.

Who was the evil person who declared that all women must migrate to the kitchen during all gatherings anyway? I want you to find that person, bring them to me so that I can do the honours of wringing their

neck. Yes, I know the cliché says that a woman’s place is in the kitchen… but surely that was in reference to your own kitchen at home, not every kitchen in the entire universe. Why oh why is it then, that we get invited to parties, get tog ether’s etc and somehow still end up in the kitchen. I understand the obvious need to help the hostess deal with the culinary duties at hand but it seems it has

now become the only activity we end up doing.

Honestly what’s so wrong with expecting those who are hosting a party to prepare beforehand so that by the time people rock up they have things in check? I am tired of going to parties and spending the whole time slaving away in someone else’s kitchen and missing the actual party… you said this party was for WHO again? Listen if you need assistance for the chores for a party call on the backing of relatives, neighbours, your house help, yes even your friends can come in early to help make the salads, marinate the meat etc… But for heaven’s sake do not hold us at ransom with a guilt trip when we arrive 2 hours after the start of the party to realise, the hostess would like you to start peeling the potatoes for the potato salad… WHAT??!!! You must be joking. In these heels you got to be kidding me… and no offering me your slippers to change into is not an option.

I know I must be committing party suicide and some are probably crossing me off the guest list as we speak – saying stuff like “ that lazy girl will just complain if we so much as hand her a paper plate!”. But don’t get me wrong. Am all for helping, in fact, I am always helping and maybe that’s the reason why I’ve become so jaded. But there has to be a limit of how much we as invited guests can honestly help.. I don’t mind showing up at party and spending 10 -15 minutes helping out – putting the dishes on the table, bringing out the cups for drinks etc you know “end of the preparation” tasks . But this idea the women will come and then cut the meat which is being taken out the freezer at this moment, and start everything else from scratch surely has evil intentions written all over it. Fine it’s your boyfriend’s party and you want it to be perfect but warn a sister before she puts on her best ‘I came to

enjoy myself outfit’ wont you!

So here I am at this party and the host shows me where all the ladies where, so in true rebellion style I greeted them all one by one, smiled, turned and went back outside to hang out with the boys… didn’t bother myself to hear what the ladies would say, matter of fact on this day I didn’t care. Come on we aren’t in the 3^rd grade anymore remember those parties where the boys sat on one side of the class and the girls on the other, waiting for someone to cross over. No way I came to party and that’s what am doing. So I went to where the party was at. Actually this wasn’t the first time I’d done this, I remember my friend Dama and I would always end up at these braai’s and we’d be the BAD girls hanging out in the yard instead of being in the kitchen…only this time I had no other female backup.



But I had learnt the art pretty well. Because these ladies used to twist it up on us… We show up fully dressed in our outfits and we find them in chitenje, doek and t-shirt… the few times we helped – our nice outfits now smelt of smoke, garlic or whatever they had the misfortune of picking up in the kitchen. Meanwhile after all the work is done, ladies from the kitchen go freshen up in the bathroom and return looking super fab in the outfits they had stashed in the bedroom and yup you guessed it, smelling super fresh of some designer perfume… hmm we’d obviously just been played! But that was college; fast forward to the life as it stands now, seems nothing has changed.
Apart from the obvious culinary activities, the kitchen is the territory for swapping of female stories (aka stories about each other’s stretch marks, pregnancies, spouses etc) really that’s not what I signed up for. Firstly I don’t know you that well and I am not ready to divulge such information, secondly I read the invite and it said braai, bring a bottle, dress casual… Nothing about segregation of sexes. I will not succumb to social pressure; I will stay out here and enjoy an interesting array of conversation – football, politics and social commentary – what’s not to like about the stories with the guys.
So at first I was the solitary female figure in the yard, but eventually it must have dawned on those inside that maybe I was right after all. Because for the 1^st hour every lady that came in went straight to the kitchen… even a chick who was dressed to the nines in stilettos, mini dress and killer makeup… on my way to refill my drink I snuck a peek and couldn’t help but giggle as she struggled to pull at the dress while chopping at tomatoes… shame! Then eventually one by one the women who joined the revolution increased in number. Some even made the bold move like me of not even stepping in the kitchen… Others pretended for a few seconds then you would see them bring a plate of meat outside and never return to the dreaded kitchen…. he he. Eventually all that was left in the kitchen were the true kitchen lovers…Because even by then all the kitchen activities were done but they preferred to sit back there and chat. Well good for you but that’s not my scene. I accept that your idea of party is chilling with the girls at the back and chatting, so similarly accept that my idea is mingling and chatting outside.

It’s amazing how easily one can judge this and say am rude, unladylike or the reverse to think the others who were in the kitchen were the enemy, backward etc… Yet if there’s something I learnt this day is that we are all but different sides of the same coin and we all make up the diverse image of Woman. We may divide ourselves as the women who love to be in the kitchen and those who don’t, and yet in reality apart from locality we aren’t that different. In fact once the others joined me outside, we found we had a lot in common… And eventually we ended up chatting about Manchester united, politics and not forgetting stretch marks, spouses etc… After all what’s female conversation if it doesn’t go down that road!

http://msbinafrica.wordpress.com/2011/06/29/woman-shall-not-dwell-in-kitchen-alone/

Following an inspirational musical debut from Malawi’s 9 young Urban United musicians in the Make a Change climate change anthem, Go Green Malawi is set to roll out a 5 week multi-media climate change campaign that will address climate change issues affecting Malawi.

Leading up to the United Nations annual 17^th Conference of Parties (COP17) congregation from 28^th November 2011 in Durban South Africa, the Go Green Malawi campaign will run from 11 October to 15 November 2011 and boasts of key participation from various media houses; MBC radio and TV, Zodiak and Capital radio, community radio stations in Balaka, Nkhotakota and Mzimba, religious radio stations Radio Islam, ABC and Radio Alinafe, as well as print media houses Guardian, Daily Times and Nation newspapers.

“We initially engaged media houses in a two day workshop to encourage them to come up with various programmes for the Go Green campaign that will promote the global Conference of parties (COP17) annual conference in Durban, and raise awareness about climate change issues and promote dialogue and showcase experiences of people affected by climate change in Malawi.” British Council director, Julian Baker explains.

According to programme consultant for Go Green Malawi, Q Malewezi, the multimedia campaign will feature various climate change awareness programs to be delivered through radio, some pre-recorded television panel discussions, as well as web and print media programs. The topics for these discussions will be aimed at encouraging information exchange, discussion, debate and dialogue and will run throughout the month of October in English, Chichewa, and Tumbuka languages.

“There will be weekly programmes like MBC TV’s Earth Talk, Zodiak radio’s Mukudziwapo chani zakusintha kwa chilengedwe? And Nation newspaper’s featured Go Green Climate Change Tips to name a few.” Q Malewezi further explains. With the mounting rave reviews from the public on the catchy anthem Make a Change that is already enjoying airplay on the country’s radio stations, Go Green Malawi aims to create an exciting, innovative and motivating multimedia climate change campaign that inspires youth and other age groups to become environmentally conscious and active.

Go Green Malawi is the final phase of a 3 year running UK Action Plan on Climate Change in Malawi involving UKAid, the British Council and British High Commission. It is aimed at generating voices and facilitating debate across all sectors on climate change issues via a multimedia campaign that involves artists and various forms of media.

http://www.gogreenmalawi.com/

African Girl Effect

What does it mean for me to part of the Girl Effect movement?

It is with great gratitude that I can be involved in such a rewarding movement, which will potentially positively impact many girls and women.

I come from a generation of strong independent  African women, who originated from a matriarchal society in Malawi.

As far back as I can recall my grandma's were active women in the community; they were business women who provided for their families. They attended to various tasks such as farming, raising children (more than 4-7 children), provided food, clothes and tended to those in the community who needed extra support.
Following on from my grandmothers is my mother and aunts generation who are just as impressive;  driven and ambitious women. These women always looked for opportunities to further develop their education and career goals. Moreover, they saw no obstacles in life and achieved dreams through education, whether in Malawi or foreign countries. 

As descendants of the commonwealth some of these women graced the opportunity to meet the most influential people in society. They have travelled and lived in foreign countries. All these opportunities were founded in education and pursuits of life goals. My mother as a child in a small Malawian village had a dream- she actualised her American dream. 

 Various generations of women in family achieved their dreams through education, working in full time office jobs and specialised in businesses trades (i.e. tailoring, hairdressing and baking).

As for my generation, these women have provided us girls the opportunities to actualise our dreams through education. I look up to these women, without them I would not be where I am today. I have achieved and developed a persona which encourages me everyday to work hard in life. I am ambitious, independent and never shy away from opportunities.

I would also like to acknowledge all the generations of men in my life, who have played a critical role in subconsciously promoting the girl effect within my family.

It's  now my generations turn to extend the girl effect movement onto others.

Now the burning questions...................

I wonder what life would have been for me, if neither of the women in my family had educated themselves? 

 I wonder what life would have been if none of the men in my family had not been open minded to the potential of educating a young girl?

I wonder whether I would have this opportunity today to participate in the girl effect movement?

Although I have painted a lovely picture of my life, this is not what life is like for most Malawian girls. Most have yet to be impacted by the girl effect movement, rather they are plagued with adult responsibilities, work rather than have opportunities to go to school, become young mothers, live in poverty and some are afflicted by deadly diseases such as AIDS.

All in all..............
 To enable the girl effect to become effective, all men and women need to be involved in this movement. This is the only way we can liberate young girls to become educated and become leaders within their communities. Politicians need to change their focus to providing more public facilities which will enable and empower the girl effect movement. 

Now the hard FACTS!!!!!!

Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic

growth and the health and well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how
pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions of girls across the developing world,
there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity. However, the existing research suggests their impact can  reach much further than expected.
THE RIPPLE EFFECT

When a girl in the developing world receives seven or more years of education, she marries four years later and has 2.2  fewer children.
(United Nations Population Fund, State of World Population 1990.)

An extra year of primary school boosts girls’ eventual wages  by 10 to 20 percent. An extra year of secondary school:15 to 25 percent.

(George Psacharopoulos and Harry Anthony Patrinos, “Returns to Investment in Education: A Further Update,” Policy Research Working Paper 2881 Washington, D.C.: World Bank, 2002].)

Research in developing countries has shown a consistent relationship between better infant and child health and higher levels of schooling among mothers.

(George T. Bicego and J. Ties Boerma, “Maternal Education and Child Survival: A Comparative Study of Survey Data from 17 Countries social Science and Medicine 36 (9) [May 1993]: 1207–2.)

When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 percent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40

percent for a man.

(Chris Fortson, “Women’s Rights Vital for Developing World,” Yale News Daily 2003.)

Join the Girl Effect Blog Campaign and become your a leader in your own right

The Girl Effect Blogging Campaign is a collaborative effort of hundreds of bloggers coming together to write about The Girl Effect during the week of October 4th-11th, 2011. Thanks for being a part of it! Here’s what to do next:



http://www.taramohr.com/girleffectposts/

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Zomba-Women-Girls-Empowerment-Malawi/240318566015504

Otherness

I am intrigued of being and existing with otherness.
Today, I felt a sense of fulfillment which came following a conversation with the other(s).

I embarked on conversations with four different types of people and they all bought some sense of enlightenment and fulfillment. Through social engagement with the otherness, a feeling of enlightenment enveloped; further leading to sense of belonging and security.

Prior to this I had spend three days in solitude, content in self-discovery. Now this form of engagement with otherness perplexed me; invaded me internally on another level.

It drew me to ponder about the distinction between being alone in solitude versus engagement with otherness. Conclusion, aloneness can only last for so long, before one starts to crave the other to validate the sense of being.

They- the other bought some level of joy within me and rewarded my psyche.

Life Challenges

Running out of creative options, during a period of financial strain.

Trying to hang onto life pursuits and goals at the same time challenged by lack of enough financial resources.

Rather than hide, am still trying to find the will to find alternatives to better my circumstances. It's as though being on never ending trial only with no witnesses; apart from me being a self made judge and my own persecutor.

More and more I am becoming to realise that managing or being burdened by finances can become an isolating situation. How many of us actually talk about our financial hardship in detail? How honest are we with ourselves and others?

Financial constraints can also create social exclusion. Most social meeting places nowadays involves meeting in a place where money needs to be spent. For what fun would meeting for a walk, without a beer or wine, meal to accompany the journey be in the long term?

Creativity right? You hear successful business people talk about how they were down on their luck and owing to pursuit and ambition overcame their struggles. Really? 

And the one I like the most, they achieved their stardom without or with minimal financial resources? Really?

I guess I am being cynical, hard to stay motivated, moreover to persevere when there are many obstacles.

Feeling trapped

At a cross roads of a possible life changing experience. Some aspects of this life changing experience is being driven by me, the other by economical factors.

I feel a sense of freedom and free will to be. There is a sense of heightened freedom which comes with diving into unknown and unfamiliar territory. Also anxious levels of excitement, when in environments that entice interests. I am fully awake in moments which stimulate my life's ambitions. I am in awe of people who have achieved what I could potentially achieve for myself.

I consider my successors position as no more unique than mine. For they do not hold some superior power or knowledge that dominates or impedes on what I could achieve. Their presence oozes confidence followed by the 'I can do & be' attitude.

So what stops me?

Frequent discussions with friends nowadays consists of our plagued generation which is financially thirsty and deprived. We have lived beyond our means and now cemented in minimal resources. It now become a game of the survival of the fittest, with no life pleasures. Gone are the days of being able to be financially spontaneous and in being selective one's professional gratification. One's survival now becomes mastering the trickery in the maze of overcoming economic obstacles.

Our generation of hard workers have now become pessimistic, to the person in the suit. The person who attempts to deliver a lovely speech, "I achieved my life ambition or business with no money." You can hear the pin drop, as much as the our generation wants to be optimistic there unified lost hope.

I am a generation trapped by its creativity dying to bust out of it's financial constraints in order to BE.

Struggling to achieve

I am being pushed to achieve, to be someone and make something tangible which has a lasting impact.
I am fighting with my existence and what it all means, especially with what my pursuits should be- in order for me to truly have lived.

I struggle or I am struggling with my own personal freedom away from others. Others have defined a comfort zone for me and the familiar. In immersing myself in otherness, the challenge and risks are minimal. My anxiety levels are contained.

While on the other hand breaking away in order to obtain free will and independence, that becomes a huge leap. My anxiety levels are heightened to the max. I become a pro at proscrastination; for I know to go at it alone involves risk.
Thoughts consists of-
can I do it alone and do it very well?
 Who will I have to refer to check if I am doing well?
Or there is too much work and it all seems too complicated.
There is never enough time to start.

So I exhaust myself in the labours of otherness. In that environment I am an effortless achiever.
While outside of that context, I am my own worst enemy. I do not achieve enough for me because that involves heightened anxiety levels. In reality these driving senses should be a positive path.

Heightened anxiety in the end means that I am actually living doesn't it? For to feel the true passion that kicks you in the stomach, with levels of fear and uncertainty is to truly live.

My battles continue.

Death

Death comes with the craving to steal moments one never had.

Death of a loved one comes with so many regrets. It's those moments which will never be shared again, or one wishes could be shared. There is no ultimate satisfaction in death, the result concludes with an endless wish list- of if only and I wish.

Today I received condolence message;to a factor I was oblivious to and not part of an equation to until this point. As I stood at the train station platform; I read the message on my social website page- RIP. Initially, I read the message with dis-engagement, as though it was a message for someone else, or this tragic incident had afflicted someone else. I stood there trying to accept every self knowing decision chosen up to this point. For it was I who made the choice on the level of social engagement with the now deceased person.

Up this point the person was alive and there was plenty of time to engage with them.

What right did I have now to cry and weep?
I should be content right?

For I had fulfilled my choices in the level of contact with this beloved person- who now had died?

Stood there thinking, I am not entitled to cry for a time lost. I had made decisions which eventually would lead up to this point.

My day surpassed through a roller coster of surreal moments, feelings of denial, to flashing images and finally explosive crushing pain.

In the end it turns out mistaken identity the condolences were meant for someone else.. What a cruel and intense awakening to self.

So I now have enough time, to make wiser choices with full ownership on the level of personal engagement. It's as though this crushing wave of emotions was an awakening. I have been given a second change to make the right choices with no hopefully no regrets.

The pain that came with this level of awakening is undescribable.

Does death come with selfishness/self-gratitude? For one starts to think, if only I;I wish;I had. The focus becomes more on self rather than the deceased. So is death an actualisation of our own self satisfaction in the end?

A wish to fulfill things which will never be achieved. It is because in death, we have no free will, as it's been taken away beyond our control? The wish list after death becomes much longer.

So what about when the person we so loved was or is alive, what stops us from fulfilling this wish list?
Why is it much easier in death to create a long wish list?
What stops us from making the right choices on our level of social engagement?

Time is in our hands, yet we choose to stop time when we have all the given opportunities. What we take for granted is time and our choices. We become lazy in the comfort and belief of an endless life.

Afterall we have all the time in the world right?

Today,  I've woken up with two awakenings.

• First, I have been given a second chance to rebuild a relationship which I thought was lost to death.
• Second- nature's phenomenon of earthquakes & hurricanes this week, has woken me up to a heightened level, which nudges me deeply and says 'value the time you've got, for time is limited.'

If we valued life 100%- death would not be filled with regrets. Rather we would become united with the deceased, in knowing we lived jointly through proactive & affective choices of full engagement. For each day we lived would be an ultimate day, with the thought that the person (loved one), may not be here to tomorrow.

I am still trying to actualise this heightened level of parting with death on a high conscious level of full ownership prior to death.  Of knowing we are only passer bys. So if I lived a fulfilled life with a loved one, will I reach a level of pleasure- in knowing we both lived?

Love life, rejoice in death knowing that you both lived as should have.

Although the time is ours to maneuver it can be easily taken away in a second.

Effects and consequences of Globalisation

"Globalisation is not a new phenomenon but the world has never before been subject to global forces that are characterised by such extensity, intensity, velocity and impact. Modern technology and communications effectively compress human time and space and to unification. One outcome of this has been greater contact with the ‘Cultural Other’. No longer can we think of ‘strangers and the strange’ as dislocated entities that are peripheral to our own lives1. For this to be a
positive experience for all parties, there are some shortcomings to acknowledge and some hurdles to overcome. Concisely, we have been inconsistent in our efforts to connect with the Cultural Other. Furthermore, current neo-liberal globalisation agendas would not seem to augur well for improving on this record. perspective and introduces the idea of the ‘fear of the unknown’ as a foundation of our
difficulty in accepting Otherness. It also offers a way forward by means of the internationalisation of the self."

Existentialism, Globalisation, Cultural Other, ‘Known Unknown’, Internationalisation

 by Gavin Sanderson

Moral of the story- globalisation= easy access to social networking sites= mass movement on emotive acts such as the recent demonstrations of misguided youths in the UK.. Globalisation is an opportune monument to stand up tall for all the right reasons, & steer the globe into an equal efficient and effective machine. A shift with the right movement, which  creates an equilibrium between the rich and poor, re-distributes wealth - the basis such as water, food, medication, electricity all things which some of us the fortunate take for granted. Rather we aim to destroy our neighbours possessions & hurt our neighbours. While others take the pleasure living one extra day, having gone to bed with no food.

Without enemies around us, we grow lazy.

Democracy for the past two days was tossed like garbage. Goes to show what people value the most. Our ancestors have gone to great lengths to fight for the ground we stand on. Woken up with the urge and need to ship some youths to African & Arabic countries, in order for them to see the lengths people go to gain social justice. So when given the opportunity youths of today, in a democratic country decide to fight for their rights by burning down their own neighborhood. Where is the social justice in that, but yet another route to life imprisonment on so many levels, as these consequences emotionally affect masses. Surely, there are better ways to stand up tall and be heard. Lets not forget the things we take for granted_ there are millions of people to whom water, electricity, food the basics of which they are dying for.

The one's who believe can change the world, do change the world. They do this in their etiquette and gravitas, which shifts & changes minds for decades to come.

Echoes of Loneliness: Embracing Great Expectations in the Emptiness of Connection

This week has been a tumultuous journey through the depths of emotions, where the paradox of being surrounded by others yet feeling profoundly alone in the world has taken center stage. The yearning for a genuine emotional connection has become the ultimate craving—a desire for someone to reach into the core of my being and engage with the rawness of my emotions.

In this pursuit, what am I expecting? It goes beyond mere interactions; it's a quest for a deeper understanding and a connection that provides the reassurance that it's okay to release the emotional weight carried within. There's an expectation that the other party will delicately handle my words, creating a secure space infused with reassurance.

Lately, it seems that our engagements have become entangled in the threads of nothingness, a hurried atmosphere devoid of substance or profound meaning. The apparent distance in emotional re-connection reflects a society either too fearful or too consumed by personal issues to authentically engage with one another.

The result is the paradox of being among many yet feeling a profound emptiness inside. The great expectation lingers—a hope that someone will extend a hand, truly see, and hear the depths of my heart's content.

There's a profound freedom in letting go, a sense of being intricately intertwined with the essence of others. Imagine an opportune moment to release one's deepest fears through heartfelt sobs, followed by the reassuring embrace that letting go is not only acceptable but also safe. How liberating and transformative would that experience be?

As the echoes of loneliness reverberate, this exploration of great expectations delves into the complex interplay between yearning for connection and the stark reality of emotional distance. It invites reflection on the nature of human engagement, the expectations we carry, and the transformative power of genuine emotional connection. As the journey unfolds, may we find solace in the recognition that, in the vast landscape of human experience, the pursuit of authentic connection is a shared and often elusive quest.

Navigating Grief: An Existentialist Perspective on Sudden Loss

In the unfathomable realm of sudden death, where the air is thick with deep, shallow sadness, navigating through emotions can feel akin to wandering through an unfamiliar aisle or procession. The unsettling feelings refuse to sit comfortably, echoing a sense of unfairness, betrayal, and a profound injustice. How does one reconcile with the stark reality of losing a vibrant individual in their prime, someone in their 30s brimming with zest and a passion for embracing life to the fullest?

The journey through grief takes on the form of a tumultuous roller coaster, marked by anger, annoyance, and tear-jerking moments. It's a turbulent ride that prompts existential questions about the very essence of life. In moments of despair, one can't help but question the purpose of making an effort. Is there a point, and if so, what is it?

Loss, by its very nature, should be a catalyst for motivation, a wake-up call to the fragility and impermanence of life. It should, in theory, spur an urgency to become something, to appreciate existence and embrace the fleeting moments.

From an existentialist perspective, grief becomes a profound confrontation with the meaning of one's own existence. It challenges us to grapple with the absurdity of life, where the certainty of death contrasts sharply with the unpredictability of how and when it will strike. The sudden departure of a young soul forces us to confront the arbitrariness of our mortality, highlighting the need to find meaning and purpose in the face of life's inherent uncertainties.

The deep sadness that accompanies loss serves as a catalyst for an existential awakening—an urgency to be somebody and to be proactive in appreciating one's existence. It's a reminder that life is fleeting and, in its brevity, demands our active engagement. The existential imperative becomes clear: in the face of mortality, we are compelled to create meaning, find purpose, and embrace the richness of our existence.

So, how does one prepare for sudden death? The answer lies in embracing an existential mindset—one that acknowledges the inevitability of death while recognizing the profound impact it can have on the way we live. In navigating grief, we find solace in the existential call to live authentically, appreciating the preciousness of each moment and creating a meaningful narrative out of life's unpredictable and often heart-wrenching events.

Navigating the Game Culture: Existential Insights on Workplace Redundancies

In the intricate tapestry of modern workplaces, a palpable shift has occurred, steering us into a culture that resembles a complex game. The era of mutual collaboration and support has seemingly given way to a more individualistic approach, particularly when the specter of "possible redundancies" casts its shadow. It's an atmosphere where the mantra becomes "each to their own."

The dynamics of this game culture prompt us to ponder the extent to which individuals are willing to engage in game-playing and backstabbing to secure an advantage over their colleagues. This raises crucial questions: Are we playing the right game? And at what cost, particularly when it comes at the expense of our colleagues' well-being?

One significant aspect that often bears the brunt of this game-like atmosphere is employee morale. As whispers of potential redundancies circulate, an undercurrent of uncertainty permeates the workplace. The fear of losing one's job can create an environment of heightened stress, affecting not only individual employees but the collective morale of the entire team.

Consider the case of Sarah, a dedicated team member known for her exceptional contributions. The announcement of possible redundancies has left her grappling with anxiety about the security of her position. The once vibrant and collaborative team now faces the challenge of maintaining its positive morale amidst the uncertainty. The pervasive stress stemming from this game of job security infiltrates every aspect of the workplace, impacting productivity and fostering an atmosphere of distrust.

Existentialism, with its emphasis on individual responsibility and purpose, offers profound insights into these workplace dynamics. It encourages us to reflect on the ethical considerations of our actions within this game culture. Are we sacrificing the well-being of our colleagues for personal gain? Are we, as individuals, contributing to a toxic work environment in the pursuit of professional survival?

In essence, the game culture of workplace redundancies forces us to confront not only the immediate consequences on morale and stress but also the deeper existential questions about our roles, responsibilities, and ethical choices in the professional realm. As we navigate this complex game, let us consider the impact of our actions on both ourselves and our colleagues, fostering a workplace culture that prioritizes collaboration, empathy, and shared success over individual victories in the game of work.

Grief Unveiled: Sadness as the Catalyst for Awakening

I awoke to a profound sense of sadness, a feeling I chose not to suppress. Instead of fearing a descent into deep depression, I've allowed my sadness to express itself. At the core of this emotion lies the recent loss of a loved one, prompting me to instinctively seek escape from the pain.

Throughout the day, a realization unfolded—the sadness serves as an internal wake-up call. In the face of loss, it urges me to be proactive in shaping my own life. Simultaneously, there's a heightened appreciation for the present moment, where everything holds a newfound value.

The usual worries and concerns about the 'must-haves' and 'should-bes' have faded into insignificance. The current moment, with all its imperfections, is now more precious.

Sadness, in its raw honesty, becomes the catalyst for my awakening.