I am what a person with an INVISIBLE CHRONIC ILLNESS looks like (September is Invisible Illness Awareness Month)

Photo of Right Credit to @FibroHelpingHands

#LifeLessons

Dear Chronic Pain Warriors and Invisible Illness Survivors. 

This month and everyday,  I am celebrating your unimaginable strength and courage for being fighters in life. 

As much as we are fighters in life, you and I personally know that Invisible Illnesses come with many life lessons, personal challenges and daily battles to fight as well. 

For instance, you may have experienced the following challenging emotions, or you are currently going through these challenging right now: 

✅Mental Health and Well Being Challenges ( anxiety, guilty feelings for having caused the condition, depression, grief over the loss of what life used to be like) 

✅Physical challenges of mobility and not being able to function fully physically as you used to. Including the ability to exercise, or keep fit as much as you would like to. 

✅Social Isolation due to being ill and feeling poorly everyday, even though you "look well," to the external world.

✅Not being able to contribute in society work wise. Or you are currently working full time, because you need to do so, in order to survive financially. This only leaves you feeling even more physically and emotionally exhausted every day, with the limited ability to do much after working hours. 

✅You have fought to find all sorts of ways for cures, but to no avail as doctors tells you there is no cure. Or others tell you there is a cure and you wonder why the same cure is not working for you. 

✅Too many more to list 

You are not alone:

▫️Just remember that in your daily struggles you are not alone. There are communities of people out there who will understand exactly what you are going through 

I also know what it feel like to walk in your shoes everyday. 

My story:

▫️I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism over 15 years ago when I was in my peak state health wise. I was active and doing all the things, I thought were helping me to be a healthy person. 

It took a lot longer to come to terms with the diagnosis and it felt surreal. Initially, I was determined to prove Doctors wrong. In end, I   accepted my new fate and all the symptoms that come with being this condition. 

▫️Flash forward to last year I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after 3 years of being undiagnosed. I experienced mixed emotions of feeling grateful about knowing what the cause of my numerous ailments, to disbelief and also deep sadness as well. I cried for all the things I was losing. I also cried for knowing realising that I was not going to die. 

I experienced most feelings that you might have experienced, or are currently experiencing and I continue to experience some of these feelings below: 

✅Feelings of loss and grieving process of the old you and how life used to be

✅Feelings of living in surreal reality, you wake up each day believing that you are well again only to realise that is your old reality 

✅ Adapting to a new way of normal, never feeling well although you look externally well to the world. 

✅Adapting to other people's judgements, misconceptions, perceptions, their own notions of what your experience might be like. You hold back or feel like screaming out loud to some individuals who lack any form of empathy or understanding, or the initiative to learn what your experience might be like. 

Lessons Learnt: 

✅It is better to let go off guilt and other people's perceptions. Their perceptions are just that, theirs. They have not walked in your shoes. 

✅Know that no one can understand the true cause of your illness more than you and there are numerous reasons why these conditions occur as researched by the experts/professionals based on other patients/individuals experiences.  Some causes are unexplained, unexpected/uncontrollable, caused by incidents, accidents, infections, misdiagnosis, the list is endless ....

✅Invisible conditions are definitely real, not in your head, as you and I live this experience every single day. You do not need to prove anything to anyone who does not understand. Your energy is worth gold, save it for those who will support you:) 

✅ Only you, know you best and the journey you need to walk in life. Just remember you are not alone

✅ Surround yourself with beautiful souls who will love you for being you and support you on new journey as well

Give yourself a break, rest when you can and need to. Pamper and treat yourself very often for you deserve it for being a warrior and a fighter each day.  

Your friend Invisible Illness warrior

Sending Gentle Hugs and Love Chiko💜💜💜

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BENEFITS OF ENTREPRENEURSHIP !! (POST UK EU-REFERENDUM)

My mind tends to analyse all sorts of situations, the latest being the U.K. EU Referendum now globally known as BREXIT!!

I will reserve my person views for another day; on how I feel about the outcome of the EU Referendum. Instead, I would like to focus on the emotional impact the process had on most people in the U.K. Also to highlight potential opportunities rather than threats.

This could potentially be the time for millennials and young professionals especially to start considering how to maximise on their existing specialist skills. I refer to this type of response as the unleashing of innate entrepreneurship skills.  

I will expand more on what I mean by innate entrepreneurship skills.

What I have noticed so far, post the EU Referendum!

• It is evident that the climate and atmosphere in the U.K is changing for various reasons. The current climate can only be described, as an emotional turbulent experience, which has impacted on the mass population, whether it be those who voted to Remain, or Leavers, including the innocent bystanders who were caught up in the game of tag of war between the two camps.

• As you walk down the streets, it is apparent through observations of some individual's facial expressions how they are currently feeling. Understandably and unquestionably, most people have become sensitised and alert to potential danger. What once felt comfortable is no longer. Nearly everyone has become a suspect, unless if the individual's can associate through process of elimination; i.e. friendly gestures.  For instance, a safety pin now symbolises safety.

• Some people have expressed, for the first time that they feel completely lost, misplaced, and isolated in a country they once felt safe to live in; where it be immigrants,  'British Citizen's and Nationals.  Visitors on the other hand, are ready to escape onto their next homebound transport, or are more hesitant to visit and would prefer to pick an alternative holiday destination.

• People with transient tendencies (globe trotters) are already considering which country they jet set off to in order to acquire their next opportunity. For this group of individuals, emotions such as anxiety is a warm welcome. For them it defines, being alive. Driven and ambitious individual welcome anxiety as a new best friend rather than an enemy. 

Either side of the Remain and Leave camps have been emotionally impacted in one way, or another. As a result, we have been united in our own camps in experiencing some/or all of the following emotions:

Anxiety, fear, hopelessness, sadness, despair and paranoia, hysteria.... The list is endless....

It can be very easy to succumb to sadness, depression and feelings of anger. Moreover, is can be easy to become zombified, through the consumption of news from various influencing sources such as political figures, those in leadership positions, media/social media and by social environments.

It is easy to focus gravitate towards a roller coaster of emotions, or to disappear to the land of oblivion;  due to the shock of the absurdity and madness of it all.

Finding meaning and embracing the current reality despite everything that has happened:

What coping mechanisms are available in the current climate? I have considered the following options for myself:

• Acceptance: The absurd has occurred, the future is and will always be uncertain. My analogy- Ships do sink and it may take them a while to sink. Acceptance for me, means awakening to the fact that an impact has occurred. Rather than sink with the ship,  I choose to swim and fight against the tide. Also with the understanding, that as one is floating away to unknown territory that it is expected there might adverse weather along the way. 

• Emotions and Choice: There are options of looking at what has occurred and one can CHOOSE to feel about it. Reason being this is an unimaginable event that occurred which is beyond anyone's control. The only thing that one CAN CONTROL, in this situation is how one chooses to respond to what has occurred and is still occurring. 

• FLIGHT or FIGH MODE!!

I know which one I would go for in term in order to protect my well-being- FIGHT MODE!!

FLIGHT MODE!!!   Only represents-NEGATIVE ENERGY for me. For negative energy can lead to unproductive outcomes and stagnation in an endless blame game, whilst the world moves on.

I CHOOSE not to focus on this type of energy.

What do I mean by fight mode?

For me it means TAKING BACK CONTROL OF ONESELF by learning how to slowly let go off the emotional self. The self that is transfixed and glued to each negative impact!!

I appreciate it is not easy especially in the current climate to let go off emotions, during a heightened period of uncertainty. Also, it quiet understandable that more people have experienced first hand emotional and physical abuse from others, as a result more people have been emotional affected as well. So as a nation most of us are united  against any negative impacts.

It is process of cohesion in emotions, as this provides a safety measure, especially during the period of uncertainty.

The Steps I am slowing taking:

• Daily mantra and practice: emotional healing in order to conserve positive energy. Again for me its about not losing control, to the point of having no will power to control, my destiny and function in society.

Today, I look a deep breath and let go. I imagined all the negative energy slowing being released internally and disappearing into some unknown sphere. I also imagined locking away all the negative energy in a Pandora Box; never to be opened again.

I was left with Control, Freedom and Will Power, and left go of the victimisation of the negative energy.

After being engulfed in a short and breath period of a turbulent rollers coaster now, I am the TAKING CONTROL STAGE. This is the stage I identify with as being the best opportunity for me to focus my energies elsewhere, and into being productive and productive.

I revert back, to my initial point at the beginning. Why Now Is The Best Opportunity to be an Entrepreneur. What I initially referred to as innate entrepreneurship skills:

I believe once in a while we are shaken up for a reason. Shocked into another layer of awakening to ourselves. During there experiences, as much as it is being united with similar people in turbulence matters, it is also about the self; how we deal with and respond to change. 

It is not unusual to see people following each other in the sense of HOPELESSNESS and to feel STUCK in UNCERTAINTY.

Innate Entrepreneurship skills, is being able to unleash the true self that has been dying to get out for years for someone us. The opportunity to utilise and maximise of the skills and passions we are best at.

This type of state of being, can only ultimately produce more positive energy as it also results in adding value in other people's lives.  

Just to clarify, it does not necessary mean giving up  y,our job, or career if that is something that one is interested in. It is also about learning, how one can utilise their skills to the best of their abilities, in order to help others either in their exiting environment or in another environment.

The most rewarding thing, I am told or have experienced is being able to help another human being, especially during our current climate. What I have learnt over the years, is to never take things for granted and to appreciate that I can contribute in some way. That what I have learnt education and career wise can potentially help someone else.

The skills you have right now are valuable to someone else. 

#Sharing Is Caring and a healthier way to live.

The reasons people with entrepreneurship skills thrive during periods of change, is because they accept change and choose to innovative. They plan in advance and are always new seeking opportunities including supporting people who are facing challenges. 

'What is the worst thing that could happen,' is my current motto. I also consider what is more meaningful to me right now, such as:

• Life is only lived once (as far as I am aware, others may believe otherwise)
• If one situation does not work, I seek an alternative solution
• If I am unhappy, I will try as much as possible to change the situation for a better outcome. If I can't change it, it may just mean its time to move on
• I choose my health/well-being over being miserable for life
• I chose to gravitate towards and closer to my family, friends, people and communities which add a positive dose of energy and revitalisation. 
• I empathise with others and expel all the negative energy which could potentially be detrimental to my health.
• I accept the fact that material things, are of no value and can be taken away, and eventually be replaced.

To-end: Sharing Positive Energy:

I am sending some of my positive energy, to people who have been affected emotionally or physically to no fault of their own. 

MoreThanAid

  #socialchange  #Better2together #Brexit
#PositiveEnergy #SharingIsCaring #PostEUReferedum #PostEURacism #Innovation #Entrepreneurship #fibrowarriors #chronicpain #millennials #youngprofessionals

Cultivating Successful and Healthier Relationships

I woke up today feeling rejuvenated with new energy. I took the moment to meditate briefly; inhaling and exhaling deeply for 10 times. I felt my mind and body, opening up and letting go off emotions I had been internalising or hold onto for a while. 


I learnt a deeper level of appreciation and gratitude. To appreciate what I have now, such as: 

• Being born in a country (UK) and the opportunities I have benefited from life 

• To appreciate that although I was recently diagnosed with a chronic pain condition and numerous symptoms, that I am alive, able to breath and walk and use my hands freely. Sometimes, it is understandably easier to deeply internalise our own pain and suffering to the point that we are unable to value and appreciate the greater things in life.

• To take the time to observe, listen and learn more from people before judging them too quickly.

• All Relationships do grow, change and heal overtime; no matter what the circumstance is.  

•  The more you grow as a person, the more effective you become in managing your emotions and letting go off anger. If you are not growing and pushing past the things that have happened in the past, then you are likely to remain stagnant and not develop. 

• Learn to grow as an individual, try not to respond with violence or anger (although sometimes it cannot be helped). For instance, understand that the person you are caught up in an intense dialogue with may be going through their own personal challenges. Moreover, that their behaviour is temporary and does not make them the person who they are 100% of the time.

• Learn to focus on the little things in relationships that you value the most about the individual/or your partner, rather than on the major arguments. For instance, what initially attracted you to them in the first, i.e. their caring nature, or what they may do for others etc…  

• What you put into any form of relationship is what you get back. To learn how to upgrade your own communication and persuasion skills, so that you can be in the position to lead by example. When you are able to manage certain situations, others may learn from you. May also start to change.

• Learn to share ideas rather than internalise them, up to the point that you feel like exploding.  

• It is more important to be self-fulfilled first, as an entity rather than waiting for someone else to fulfill you; otherwise you will never feel complete as an individual. It is about owning your own stuff and accepting your own behaviors. Like attracts like. When you own it, your behaviour (rising above and overcoming), you are likely to engage with like minded individuals.

• To understand that life is about abundance and engaging with more people, rather than being focused on one individual and waiting for them to accept you, fall in love with etc... When you learn how to attract and attain, new relationships (i.e. approaching new people in daily situations in your own environment/community); you learn the laws of attraction. Moreover, you learn how to leverage and scale new potential relationships by getting to know individuals more deeply on a friendship level first, through chemistry rather than on a superficial level.

• Life is about passing moments: To accept rejection as part of life, as individuals do change and evolve over time. People transcend and they do move on. Learn to experience the journey, by doing so learn you learn to accept change and can adapt more easily in life.

• Those you spend with can be the person you become. Such as being with friends who may think that for instance that, ‘all men are evil.- as a generations. You may start to think the same, or inherit friendship or family believes of what relationships are about. What they are imparting on you is their own personal experiences and challenges.

• Lastly, we cultivate the relationships we want. It starts with us and we can be more successful at attracting others on a higher and deeper level.

• Fun and spontaneity is essential: To try new things when dating, such as going for a walk, picnic, visiting art galleries, or museums; being in environments where you get to know each other more.

• If you want a serious and long lasting relationship, you have got to wait. For instance, value more what it means to kiss a new person for the first time. Build tension up first and don't rush through the process of relating and getting to know each other person on a deeper level. Through that experience, you will get to know their behaviours, moreover be able to determine if you whether there in it for the long run.

• Again try not to limit yourself to one individual, develop many relationships, as in ‘friendships.’ Less of the tinder flicking, yes/no through pictures and more engagement in person.  

• To understand that men and women have different ways of dealing with emotions. Women self-sooth through sharing their personal experiences on a deeper level either by seeking attention of from their partner or with friends. It takes women longer to process emotional things. Men tend to not share their emotions, and may find other ways of self-soothing; they may disconnect if a discussion becomes intense. Are able to let go emotionally, sooner rather than later. Sometimes, it is better to stop a discussion to pick it up at a later stage.

There is so much more, I have learnt. I could go on this topic. The above information is based on generations overall of how the male and female population may respond to different situations. 

It was understood that we as individuals have different levels of emotional responses. It was more about learning how to understand behaviours, and accepting them as that. By doing that we can grow more on a deeper level and let go off things which may internally/misunderstand in the absence of effective communication skills

Conflict in relationships: believe it, or not is good it enables us to learn and grow as individuals. We learn overtime how to manage conflict better, when we accept people for who they are; “rather than internalising/being hurt by their temporary behaviours.”

The process of personal growth takes time, it does not happen overnight. It is about strength and character building. This simple and yet most effective morning ritual was something that we (attendees) were shown yesterday during a seminar by Ed Smith 

“The 4 Keys To the Successful Relationship You Deserve.”

I committed to waking up early to what I classify as "silly o'clock time (4am) on a Saturday morning to attend the seminar. As an insomniac this is usually the time, I tend to fall asleep (Living in Fibro World).

What I have learnt overtime is that, when an opportunity is thrown in your way take it, and I chose to take mine. I decided to attend the seminar and walked out feeling much happier and with a new layer of personal growth and development.

Moreover, I am pleased that I stayed until the end of the seminar. Ed Smith afforded us the opportunity to learn more about his own personal life journey and challenges that he has overcome. One of the attendees asked him about his daily morning ritual. Ed kindly took us through his daily mediation ritual. He asked us to close our eyes and played meditative music in the background. 

Overall, it was a very powerful experience for me. I found myself letting go off some of the pain, I had been hold onto to on a deeper level. Also, in the moment, I was able to let go off some of the chronic pain, which I suffer from on a daily basis.

Talk about a special selfie moment and my amazed look. I took the opportunity to thank Ed Smith. I experienced another layer of personal transformation, which I did not expect especially during the meditation process. I let go off my tensions and some of my chronic pain.

I met this very special lady, during the seminar. She joined me during my mini walk to Kensington Palace and Park.During the walk we reflected on what we learnt and shared our personal relationships journeys.

We also met Parisian tourists just near palace gates . I have gained a new friendship with a young Parisian lady, who has promised she will show me around Paris next time I visit; to learn more about the traditional french culture.

Relationships in terms of dating experiences:

I would personally recommend attending one of Ed Smith’s Seminars in London if you can. Moreover, staying until the end.  

 

Ed's Team & Champions 

P.S. The next topic I will share with you is on what I learnt from Ed Smith; "Why People Fail in Relationships". WATCH MY VIDEO HERE! The Champion Academy CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE! 

Learn More About Me Here >>>>>CfmXclusive Products

NOTE: Some of the pictures and video's used in this blog are courtesy of the Ed Smith & The Champion Academy!

Inherited Narratives of My Ancestors

NARRATIVES SWATHED IN A DREAMLIKE STATE: KURT SELIGMANN AT WEINSTEIN GALLERY- HTTP://SFAQ.US/2015/06/NARRATIVES-SWATHED-IN-A-DREAMLIKE-STATE-KURT-SELIGMANN-AT-WEINSTEIN-GALLERY/

Have you ever watched the movie, ‘Dancing with the Wolves?’

Have you ever felt as though, you are a walking and talking a narrative that is too familiar and has been stuck with you for many years? An inherited narrative that has made you feel safe, comfortable, challenged you a little bit and made you doubt yourself at times?

Have you ever stopped to check whose inherited narratives you are carrying?

Yesterday, someone challenged me in a positive and constructive way. He asked me, why does hanging onto who I am now, or used to be, matter so much to me? Moreover, why was I fighting so much to let the, Me and I go?

My inherited narrative up to yesterday had been filled with unevaluated, ‘I should’ and musts

I with strong conviction held onto the ‘I should’ & musts, so much so, that at times I felt stuck in the agonizing self-critique dialogue of; “I am a failure in life.”

An unevaluated narrative, for I had never stopped long enough to deeply engage with my inner core and spirit of my ‘raison d'être’ what was leading me to live the life I have been living so far.’

My 'future life' was mapped out, life most of you. Indeed, I had that great future plan; 5-year plan, 10-year plan and so forth. My intangible and imaginative plan looked great in my head and was ahead of me.

There were days, I lay awake dreaming of how I would eventually implement, ‘my plan,’ in the future. How nice is it dream, don’t you think?

Some of my ancestors spoke the same universal dialect (should & must go to school graduate, get a job, marry, settle down have kids and become a grandmother) which partially became embedded in my soul. The self-critique would then verbalise the inherited tick list, as failures with the usual musts and should by such and such a date, then I will be fulfilled

Flash forward today, I no longer visualise a 5-year plan, or 10-year plan for I learnt the hard way that demain n’existe pas.

Reflecting back dreamlike states, visualisations, day dreaming never pushed me closer to actualising my true potential, instead I achieved comfortable distorted goals. It is definitely much easier to sit back, dream and relax when one has a future plan.

Today, I only believe in consciously choosing every decision I make, so that tomorrow, I will wake with, ‘Je ne regrette rein.’

Until yesterday, I thought I had finally figured ma raison d'être, on the contrary

I was constructively challenged yesterday and discovered that my outlook in life in terms of achievements has been based on my self-imposed inherited narratives all along. Redefined based on materialistic achievements.

The feedback I received challenged my internal struggles and endless inherited verbatim beliefs. I had not stopped long enough to question myself what it would be like to just let go off everything that once represented me. FEAR is the first word that came to mind. 

Funny, enough the lifestyle I feared all along is the lifestyle I imagined and dreamt of living

I discovered that it has been much easier to hide behind the great narratives of my ancestors which have been passed onto to me in another layer of realism.  

Now, how could someone a familiar stranger ask me to let go off everything I believed me, that symbolised me?

Even though I had let go off long term plans, and converted to the now plans; I still had my life mapped out in my head and now paper just the way I wanted it to be or so I thought. I had mainly mapped out some distorted form of monetary and materialistic value of what achievement meant; I had invented another story or version of what my ancestors meant.  

My inherited narrative of goals were still painted with unevaluated strong beliefs of ‘I shoulds & must’s.

This is where I felt comfortable, and who wouldn’t? Never did I consider once to step outside of that box of ‘I shouldn’t and must,’ until now

I may have verged on stepping outside that box once or twice in my life, but never felt comfortable enough to completely step outside of that box; and for the first time to look in and be a bystander of my life.

My inherited narrative has been a great dream of, ‘ I should have acquired certain things in life, or I should have achieved something by such and such a date’; it’s been a fantastic and intangible dream.  ‘I have been the walking and talking infomercial of my ancestors, my grandparents, my family and family friends

How could not I be, as that is what I have mostly been surrounded by and moulded by.

In being and adopting the said ‘narratives,’ I stopped myself from truly living and in actualising who I can potentially be.

What I am learning is that inherited values are valuable lessons and one’s to be treasured, that in order to truly live the life I was intended to live, I should push the boat out even further and way beyond my ancestor’s narratives.

What fun would my or your history be, if those who follow after us say, “well she/or he lived just like their ancestors.” But what does that actually say about me or you, as individuals and as a contributor in society?

Wouldn’t it be rather more amazing to travel the road less travelled? To be in environments that are unsafe and challenging?

I am learning that I was only mirroring inherited beliefs through somebody’s else’s eyes, achievements and narratives. That my ancestors, grandparents and parents were/are innovators, self-starters and creators in their own-rights. They left their named imprinted foot marks on our planet way before I even existed.  

That they span me their historical tune which I played to and danced to like in ‘Dancing with Wolves’ and held on with pride for years; the lessons of ‘musts’ and should’.  The moral of the story based on my own perspective of ‘Dancing with Wolves,’ is that Kevin Costner (main character of the movie) stepped out of his comfort zone, challenged his inherited narrative’s and learnt how to live another way, the Sioux way which added more value and meaning to his life. 

If I had been listening hard enough. My ancestor’s true narratives would playout as follows:

• Learn from our lessons, of how hard life was like for us and how we overcame hardships and barriers in life.  
• Learn from our successes and not from our failures
• We have paved the way for you, in order to make your life just a little bit easier, in order for you to achieve much greater and for the greater good
• We left this world without any of our monetary, or materialist achievements.

Lessons learnt so far:

• By mirroring inherited narrative’s, one can become complacent and too comfortable with life
•  Inherited narratives are safer than facing up to one’s true potential
• FEAR, is what stops us from truly actualising our true potential; is it easier to see achievements in materialistic form, rather than seeing ourselves (the me or I, as solely the achiever or successor).
• Giving and adding value in another person’s life, does not need to come in the shape of materialistic or momentary value

The answer to the familiar strangers question by the way, I concluded was FEAR. 

Fear and my inherited subconscious narratives made me feel secure, like a baby's blanket.

Now I have no choice, and have be pushed to let go at no feel free will. I now longer have a comfy cushion to safely boost me into the land of the unknown. I am now confronted face to face with my FEAR and to living in the NOW. For, ‘demain n'existe plus pour moi’

That indeed is the challenge in life, throwing oneself in the dark without a moral compass, only to resurface as an innovator, a creator and as an entrepreneur. This is the when one can actually, truly start living and be in the position to give back in abundance and add value in other people’s lives’ today and for future generations.

 Thinking of the loss today of a loved Young Malawi Man

May Your Soul Rest in Eternal Peace

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