In this blog, I am going
to be focusing on what I have been experiencing, so far as a result of self-isolation (currently on day 7). I would love to also hear about your own experience.
Foremost, I would like to
share with you my experience of living with a chronic illness and limitations
of social engagements. This current Corona Virus Pandemic seems to parallel my
experience of having to implement social distancing measures as a result of
becoming chronic ill with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue a few years ago. I noticed the similarities of between my intial of challenging experience of having to remain indoors due to illness, to the current situation, where most people who are not used to social isolation or disatncing are becoming bored, tired and frustrated by having to remain indoors. Whilst, for most people like me with debilating and limiting physical and mental health conditions, being indoors for days or months at is the norm.
Since 2016, I have unknowingly
and partially been implementing social distancing, as a result of having to
leave my full-time job and due to developing a chronic illness. I have become accustomed
to living a minimised social lifestyle, in comparison to my previous active lifestyle.
I have had to modify my lifestyle significantly, in order to minimise the risk
of making my symptoms worse. This has also meant, living a new lifestyle which mostly in the first couple of years, limited me from partaking regular social engagement activities and contact with people.
I have also had to adjust to
being mindful not to expose myself to seasonal cold/flu due to having a compromised
immune system. Also being mindful to not trigger adverse symptoms of widespread
chronic musculoskeletal pain and having to cope with endless days/weeks of
being in bed as a result of being easily susceptible to flu systems.
The current Codvid_19 pandemic reminds of my life challenging experience when I first was diagnosed with my condition.
At the time, I felt like my free will, choice and lifestyle liberties were
being taken away. As though, new measures were being imposed either by being physically
challenged, or by health professionals. Externally, health professional echoed
the same message to me to slow down and to start adjusting to a new lifestyle. It took
me to a couples of years to start mentally and physically adjusting to my new normal.
As an existentialist, I struggled with the concept of free will and choice. As with existentialism we have choice and free will in any given circumstance, even during times we feel restricted and challenged by life challenging situations.
At the time, it felt as though
life challenging events were being imposed on me, before I was ready to adjust.
I was physically and mentally challenged; in that I couldn’t go out for several
days and months at day due to
my condition being very debilitating.
I found
myself struggling with being patient, including mentally and physically slowing
down. I reached a stage where I had no option but to do so in order to start healing.
Even though it felt as
though these limitations were happening suddenly or too fast enough for me to catch
this wasn’t the case. Similar to the current Corona Virus Pandemic there were
signs. I had pre-warning signs that of not being well and assumed it was cold
or flu symptoms that would eventually go away. Unknowingly, by the time, I
realised by condition has become to severe, I had not option but to seek urgent
medical care.
This is the similar
warning we received with Corona Virus. Most of us have been listening sadly to
the news about the impact of the virus in China. Then the impact in Italy and
other countries. As it had not hit home, we still continued to carry on, without
adjusting our lifestyles in anyway. Even after we had started to hear news
about the impacts that were occurring, we still carried on.
Reason being is that,
something invisible is hard to believe until it, impact you. Then some of us
will start to adjust our lifestyles. If you have experienced something similar,
even though it’s invisible you are most likely to start paying more close
attention, including taking immediate action to safeguard you and others around
you.
What I have learnt through
these years, that you do not have to wait for something to be true (especially
something with a serious warning label), in order to start taking action.
During the period of living
with severe chronic illness symptoms, I missed things such as
- Regular social
contact and engagement
- I missed being
in nature and being able to easily go out to enjoy my previous leisure activities
such as jogging or hiking. I cried often due to feeling as though, I was
missing out on life.
- I missed
normal work routine, in terms of the regular engagement with work colleagues
and customers.
- Deep gratitude
for life and for still having the ability to do somethings including the most
valuable things such as being able to breath.
- I have
learnt to value new physical and mental abilities even though more limited than
before. Reason being is that I still have the capability to be mobile and to
write this blog. It took me a long time and it was a battle to reach the stage
of acceptance of losing what my physical and mental capability.
"Life has no meaning the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal."- Jean-Paul Sartre
As a result of slowing down, nature became more meaningful, because I took time to notice the beauty in things, that I hadn’t invested much time noticing before.I took the time to notice people and the value in connecting with my people in local community and the nature around it. Even if human connections meant only brief daily encounters such as a smile, good morning and a thank you; it was still important for me to recognise people and to connect with them. Prior, to that I didn’t have time to truly notice people, because I had brought into the fast pace lifestyle (road to nowhere).
I started to focus more on actualizing my vision and true-life purpose. Living in the now and with minimal regrets become
more essential for me. Flash forward to today, it
almost feels like it was a lifetime ago and a surreal life changing experience. I am a completely different person than I used to be. I have become someone who is meant to, the person who appreciates the more meaningful things in life. How to be present in the now, and grateful for what I already have. A person who has become patient, learnt how to become peaceful internally, less stress and more mindful maintaining good overall well-being. I have learnt to simply slow down and to value life and being (truly existing).
This is what I learnt
through the most challenging life experience:
I had to go through a soul cleansing including
grieving the loss of me, in order to start living again.
There are similarities
of living with an invisible illness and the current pandemic. In terms of having to isolate and implement social
distancing. Also, in terms of being impacted by something invisible. Whereby,
as much as you try to explain to people they won't understand or believe until they experience it themselves, or it hits much closer to home.
My current Experience
of Corona Virus Pandemic 2020
Staying indoors is not so
much a struggle now, due to my pre-existing experience. What I am struggling with
slightly again is the lack of free will, choice and lifestyle liberties to go
out. When you have certain liberties and privileges taken away from you, it takes
a slight, or major mental adjustment.
As a result of my current self-isolation I miss;
- The civil
liberties and privileges of being able to go out to leisurely activities such oing to the local Café, Culture Activities and Shopping.
- The
connectivity to otherness, even if it’s just in passing and brief.
- Sitting
in a café observing other people and feeling this sense of connectivity to
humanity.
- The basic human connectivity of seeing someone smile, laugh, people exchanging words,
even the kids crying in the background. I miss the exchange of sitting in front of someone in an outdoors setting and being able to exchange some form of physical interaction; for instance hugs and handshakes.
- Not having to be very mindful all of the time of potentially catching an infection, as a result of touching something in public or potentially be infected by someone with a virus. Even though, I am thankful of this new lesson of why it's essential to be mindful.
Yesterday, I was fortunate
to receive a food and essentials delivery from my local supermarket, which is now becoming scarce due to long waiting
periods, or limited availability of some items in the supermarkets. There are so many sensory things, I have started to noticed as a result of social-isolation. For instance, I noticed that even with the delivery, I have started to miss the
social face-to-face social interactions even with strangers. Reason being is that I am self-isolating,
so now all my products are being delivered to my doo, with minimal contact with
a delivery person.
My human senses of yearning for human social interaction have become more heightened. For the
first time, I felt as though my civil liberties had been stripped away, limited
and restricted by a boarder between us; in my case my door. Instinctually, I felt this is what
it must feel for those people in prison or mental health facilities, who are put into self-isolation. The
only difference is that I have the luxury of being in my own home environment.
I felt guilt and empathy
during my experience and encounter with the delivery person. I felt guilty for not being able to help carry the food
crates in, as I usually. This time around, I was peering through a pipping hole,
as the delivery person left my items inside the boxes I had left outside my
door. I felt empathy for the person, because I felt sorry for them. I
not sure why, but I guess sorry on my part for not being able to help. Also,
sorry that they had to experience this type of limited engagement. I also wondered,
if they thought, I believed they were infected. Or if they believed, I could not open my door because I was infected.
This had become a
surreal moment in my mind, and too hard to digest of what the potential reality
could become if the impact of the Corona Virus does not end soon.
At the same, I felt gratitude for being able to receive food and necessities even though, I didn't receive everything as expected. I reflected on what it feels for most people globally who are still living in hunger and have to ration their food portion or have to go without their basic needs being met. I reflected on people who fought in wars and those who have experienced life challenges, where they were deprived of their civil liberties including basic nutrition.
I also felt content in knowing the safe measures, I was implementing in order to protect
myself and the other person. I was also content in knowing that I didn’t have
to touch the food crates that t was one less thing I had to worry about touching. Then I reflected on some people in Asian countries who have become accoustomed for years to wearing masks, as part of their lifestyle, because of being afflicted by previous viruses. How some of us found it hard to understand why they wore the masks in the first, including in the U.K. Now I have awoken to their reality. Even if some of them of wear the face masks for vanity reason.
For now, I am waiting for
my chest infection, to clear as I adjust to the new U.K. government risk reduction measures and
approach to managing this pandemic. I will share more of my thoughts of this in
my next blog including being born in a privileged society.
To end, I am starting to realise now that some of you will start
to experience similar feelings of loss, which I went through as a result of being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Feelings of grief, loss, fear due to uncertainity. You may also be going through a mental adjust to having
to physically and mentally limit your current lifestyle. A new lifestyle
which you has all of a sudden been imposed of you, due to circumstances beyond your control. You might also be adjusting financially, like I had to due to suddendly losing your job, or not being able to obtain your new opportunities.
All your feelings are normal and all part of the process of healing and growing through a life challenging experience. Be kind to yourself and protect your physical and mental well-being at all costs. As you need to maintain your immune system, as much as possible.
I hope during this period,
you will see it as opportunity to deeply reflect on what’s most positively meaningful
for you. To eventually, also see this time as an opportunity to see the new lesson, this exprience is bringing you. I hope you will eventually start to see that you are not losing you (if you feel this), that you are gaining a renewed you. Due to being given the space and time, to tap into your creativity and focus on things which bring you joy. Including connecting with your life vision and purpose. This is especially if you are having to stay home most the time. It is time to deeply focus on what’s possible, rather than what is beyond your control. Lastly how you can contribute to the adding virtual social value through your creativity.
Thank you for taking the time read my blog and for connecting with. I would love to hear your own personal experience how you are dealing with social-isolation or distancing. Including if what you have resonnate with in my blog post (if anything at all).
Stay Safe
.jpg)
