Strength to Achieve

Give me the strength to do better

To achieve much more in life

The strength to develop me as an individual and as a person in society 

Let my strength have the same courage as the force of waves 

Shift me in the direction which is heading forward and towards always 

Like bumps and waves of the ocean, let the pushes, shoves of life, be just that. As where there is a storm a calm period will follow 

Let the echoes, or cries of the sea be just that. Noises and sounds which will not veer me off my path 

Give me the confidence to cross over harsh seas, along with my moral campus to greater good and good will 

Rather than let or give me, I will develop the strength to achieve and do better

The NEWS-24hrs Ceasefire???

 

Invaded  intravenously whilst in a  subconscious state and in the realms of dreams

In the subconscious and dead free floating state, visions of family transpire. Vision of a once harmonious family  morphed into war victims

I (we) people running, attempting to find a place of refuge away from grenades falling from the sky 

The 'Gods must be crazy right?' Only fast forward to today, and we (us) are in a luxurious green, flowery and scenic'Western World' park which resembles Hyde Park; treading our pristine feet; so as to stop grenades from blooming way too soon 

Allergy suffers you wonder? Not quiet, this matter stings more than a bee. For the subconscious has now  become reality.

A grenade drops right  in front of me. I stood frozen to the core attempt to disapher  my new reality:  to pick it up or not? To  throw it far away and beyond? I am left with no free will, but only two choices to live or die 

I stare at my bound and frozen feet then onto the dazed crowd of people in front of me. 

Press pause right? Wait that's not real life 

Only two choices  remain 

There is no time to become the rescuer and amongst the defenceless masses just like me.  I cant think quickly enough my feet are glued to the ground 

The crowd disperses and runs directionless and away from the grenade , whilst other multiple grenades fall like showers from the sky 

So I run, for I am not ready to die 

Tirelessly  I run and run towards nothingness 

Despair creeps in, only to be awoken again still in a subconscious state by echoing sounds; someone familiar calling my name. So I run and continue to run 

There lies in front of me clear as day, three open windows, which provide me the opportunity of free will 

The voice echoes again against my ear.  I hear my brother calling me to run, as quickly as I can  towards him. He reaches out his hand 

Tables are turned, he now becomes my rescuer. As soon as I reach out for him and feel him grab me back into the opportunity of life- fear and despair disappears. I am free once again, for I was not ready to die

I jolt up from my waking nightmare 

Only to realise it was all a dream- only brought on by intrusive, and redundant news; which I have yet to learn HOW, WHEN,  it will all end 

The latest news 24hours of ceasefire. Alas 24hours, for what and for whose benefit?

Where there is will there is hope 

So in my awaken state, I choose to more than hope and to wish for life and peace for innocent lives  

Give the World What it Wants

Give the World What it Wants 

Give it as much and twice over what it has given you

Give it in the form of your dreams and aspirations 

Dream to only actualise your true potential 

Excel and expel the bad and tragic moments like insect repellents 

Move beyond and above mountains, only to reach the highest peak 

Rest not for there is much more to achieve 

Aim for the sky , for its untouchable just as you 

Think and about  lost moments only for a little while; without forgetting the here and now 

Remember what you have got and never take it for granted for life is way too precious to been thrown down the drain 

Cry if you must, to let go and remember loss; for all floods soon stop and are replaced with calmer seas

Love and live like there is no tomorrow, for tomorrow never exists

Tomorrow only happens with your active and participative engagement in the here and now 

Ah remember to dance, to dance only to let go off the unwarranted tensions 

Fly like an ego for you were meant to be something more than just a wisher, a regretter, could haver, and the if only person 

Go ahead and give the world what it wantst- YOU 

I WRITE

I write with no sense of direction of premeditated thoughts 

I could scribble, rub out and rewrite but choose to not do so, so as not to lose authenticity in the moment 

So I stubble at times loose my thought for a second only to pick up again 

At times, most times mispless oops misspell words just like now. For when I am caught in the moment of not wanting to lose my thought I write freely 

It a balancing act between predictive text and free flowing 

Now I wonder how many scribbles and rubs I would have if I had hand written this? 

To be quiet honest I am beginning to question the authenticity in typing for I have the freedom to go back and delete so easily; then I question is that authentic? 

Could my predictive texts if left untouched by me, spell out and articulate the true representation of me - perhaps not 

Authenticity lies in the fact I write what is felt in the moment in order to let go and be in tune with what's ticking within my heart 

I write line by line without a thought of going back to erase, what was written in the past, for that was me in that particular moment- so why erase? 

I write not to impress but for the freedom of expression 

I write to let go and in order to feel a sense of freedom and liberation 

I write for freedom of expression 

I write without worrying about grammar, punctuation or whatever else is considered the correct way of writing. Oh boy. " would my English Literature Lecturer, be ever so mad." 

Say's me with a smile, for I am free to write, just exactly how I feel 

Then you ask why post online

Ah, as a true test, a means for furthering true independence 

and freeing oneself from being self conscious

So I write 

Stuck like Glue

It's strange how life turns out 

Not quiet sure which stage or phase this turning point in life is 

It's appears to be a truly testing time

Few seconds ago, let go just like that 

Upon letting go, deep feelings of emotional pain arched out into the forefront 

Sense of relief yet still with pain expelled ; followed by some sense of freedom 

Tears followed with a sigh of relief 

Followed by feelings of nostalgia;  feelings of missing home

Confusion crept in, questioning where home was

In mind and through the aching heart, and visualisation of the ideal,  home symbolised family. Heartache spoke and foretold  the truth; home meant being with family. Alas oceans spoke and jilted this dream back  into reality;  " Atlantic Seas stood between heartache's longing and sense of belonging." 

See life is testing with its tremendous waves  filled with uncertainty 

One can only describe this stage  at this point in time as toxic with no immediate bleaching cure- 

Thus, for now stuck with endless complaints of self-pity,  anger, followed by being careless to not caring nor sense of guilt to feelings of emptiness and solitude 

The careless to not caring becomes an infliction to inflict oneself then onto others without a second thought 

For the soul at this point in time and stage in life is dead and soulless 

So one begins to wonder, where is the will and is there an outlet to this entrapment ? 

Stuck like glue, only can't become unstuck just yet 

I want to cry

Funny thing is I want to cry 

I feel the urge for the need to cry 

I feel the raw emotions creeping up 

Alas, yet again I cannot cry 

So I stand there starring at the mirror instead

I am beyond crying and hysterical,- amused into laughter 

Wouldn't it be great just to be able to let go and cry? I wonder 

There are moments when I think and feel that if I cried, then I would be able to let go. 

Today, I felt an AHA moment- of freedom to  be, to let go and release the internal into floods of tears 

Not so, the moment fell short 

The emotional jolt stopped halfway  and nothing happened 

I look forward to the day when my flow is no longer interrupted 

Perhaps its fear? 

Perhaps it's only one of the remaining things I have left to hold onto ?

After-all,the deep pain and sorrow is gone 

So if I cry then perhaps, I will have lost yet again another piece of you 

I still want to cry, yet to cry ALAS 

Standing Still

Grief is an extraordinary force 

I am astounded by its magnificent power

It's unexplainable and an isolating prolonged event 

It cuts deep within and into the inner core 

There is indeed truth in that we come into this world alone and die alone 

Then there is also truth in that through loss one can experience solicitude even when surrounded by others who have experienced the same loss 

Grief is an entrapment, a tomb within a living soul 

It 'grief' strives painstakingly at the inner emotional cords 

It's soul sucking 

It makes life stop still, the living become the living dead 

In grief there is aloneness in that we long for and yearn for the dead, even when surrounded by the living

It 'grief' questions who we are as individuals  without the other 

The words, "without you there is no me," now makes sense. 

Eternal  love, echoes through the endless aching heart 

Vision of the visionary (the living dead) becomes distorted and stuck between past and present. To awaken yet again to the reality that the vision was only a dream, a mirage 

It 'grief makes us lose our senses until we become senseless 

The WE is the I because there is no WE. What we,  I feel can be explained a million times, but never felt by you in the same way 

One can belong to a family that has experienced grief- the one thing that binds them together is the loss of their loved one. Internally though, we stand still and remain all alone 

The self-discovery road is travelled in solitude,  until one is able to discover who they are without the other- the deceased  

Standing still .... 

I searched for you on google

Today I typed your name and completed a google search, only to look for you 

Now and again , I get the impulse to search for you in the unknown world with the hopes of finding you 

I search to find a tress of you with hopes to find a story of you 

I try to find if you, a little piece of you in the works you contributed 

I tried to find you in the artistry word 

Today I searched and only to find the following words- may his soul rest in peace 

These are not the words I wanted to find. I wanted to find a new piece of you in order to find something you to hang onto to- you 

Today of all day I thin and wonder how you would have or not celebrated? Regardless I think alas you are not here either way 

For now, and now and again I will continue to search for you on hooks 

Now I get it. Malawi at 50 -Independence Day or What?

All day I hesitated to type and to publicise  the words, now I get it 

4th July came and it was so easy to press the button and to celebrate- US Independence with great pride 

It was so easy to be joyful and feel triumphant  

5th July came and passed, even though there was a golden invitation on the dresser waiting ... Waiting for me to show up to be counted as a Malawian at Malawi's 50th 

Counted in the the celebrations of expats abroad reunited by a common cause. A blood line, a cultural and identifiable bloodline to the roots of our accentors, to most- their roots are still  frest and current with  residing back home 

6th July and still I hesitated. 

I could not type the words so easily and could not, did not want to join in on the celebrations 

What did I have to celebrate, what I had contributed? What had been achieved in order to celebrate? 

Melancholy sunk in, joy no longer existed what was there to celebrate apart from being in the same room of identifiable roots and tongues? 

I could adorn nice attire from head to tore and show up to be counted. 

Counted for what? 

What could I or we celebrate?

Guilt has eaten away at my inner core the whole day  and tied me in notes

Guilt bound me to stay indoors

I would be none the wiser to celebrate 

What did I have to celebrate?

What did we have to celebrate?

Truth be known 

We are still not liberated nor free 

We instead have become mummified into subdued believers

Only this time around we are not

bound or enslaved by anyone else but only by ourselves 

We are enslaved in ourselves and to otherness 

How could I celebrate?

Celebrate, when a  woman, child or man is truly free?

How could I celebrate when basic rights to human entitlement are still not readily free 

How could I celebrate, knowing  the fact that today of all days after. 50years if independence someone - a woman, child or man could go to bed hungry 

what was there to celebrate?

Today is Malawian Independence Day. Independence from what?

For we are not mentally free,  

The time to celebrate will be when every woman, child and man has equal basic rights to- food, clean water, sanitation, medicine, education, and a roof under their heads to call a stable home 

Freedom to dance and celebrate will exert itself when greed comes to a halt. When those in power realise their power and use it for the greater good to look beyond their pockets & greed and into human kind. Fresh & fresh 

Such a basic formula right? So easy to get it right? One despairs  that something so easy, has not been achieved for the past 50 years 

Shall we wait another 50year to celebrate? 

 true independence and celebrations only arises in pride and not shame