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NARRATIVES SWATHED IN A DREAMLIKE STATE: KURT SELIGMANN AT WEINSTEIN GALLERY- HTTP://SFAQ.US/2015/06/NARRATIVES-SWATHED-IN-A-DREAMLIKE-STATE-KURT-SELIGMANN-AT-WEINSTEIN-GALLERY/ |
Have you ever watched the movie, ‘Dancing with
the Wolves?’
Have you ever felt as though, you are a walking
and talking a narrative that is too familiar and has been stuck with you for
many years? An inherited narrative that has made you feel safe, comfortable,
challenged you a little bit and made you doubt yourself at times?
Have you ever stopped to check whose
inherited narratives you are carrying?
Yesterday, someone challenged me in a
positive and constructive way. He asked me, why does hanging onto who I am now,
or used to be, matter so much to me? Moreover, why was I fighting so much to
let the, Me and I go?
My inherited narrative up to yesterday had
been filled with unevaluated, ‘I should’
and musts
I with strong conviction held onto the ‘I
should’ & musts, so much so, that at times I felt stuck in the agonizing self-critique
dialogue of; “I am a failure in life.”
My 'future life' was mapped out, life most of
you. Indeed, I had that great future plan; 5-year plan, 10-year plan and so
forth. My intangible and imaginative plan looked great in my head and was ahead
of me.
There were days, I lay awake dreaming of
how I would eventually implement, ‘my plan,’ in the future. How nice is it
dream, don’t you think?
Some of my ancestors spoke the same
universal dialect (should & must go to school graduate, get a job, marry, settle
down have kids and become a grandmother) which partially became embedded in my
soul. The self-critique would then verbalise the inherited tick list, as
failures with the usual musts and should by such and such a date, then I will
be fulfilled
Flash forward today, I no longer visualise
a 5-year plan, or 10-year plan for I learnt the hard way that demain n’existe pas.
Reflecting back dreamlike states, visualisations,
day dreaming never pushed me closer to actualising my true potential, instead I
achieved comfortable distorted goals. It is definitely much easier to sit back,
dream and relax when one has a future plan.
Today, I only believe in consciously
choosing every decision I make, so that tomorrow, I will wake with, ‘Je ne regrette rein.’
Until yesterday, I thought I had finally figured ma raison d'être, on the contrary
I was constructively challenged yesterday
and discovered that my outlook in life in terms of achievements has been based on
my self-imposed inherited narratives all along. Redefined based on
materialistic achievements.
The feedback I received challenged my
internal struggles and endless inherited verbatim beliefs. I had not stopped
long enough to question myself what it would be like to just let go off
everything that once represented me. FEAR is the first word that came to mind.
Funny, enough the lifestyle I feared all along
is the lifestyle I imagined and dreamt of living
I discovered that it has been much easier
to hide behind the great narratives of my ancestors which have been passed onto
to me in another layer of realism.
Now, how could someone a familiar stranger
ask me to let go off everything I believed me, that symbolised me?
Even though I had let go off long term
plans, and converted to the now plans; I still had my life mapped out in my
head and now paper just the way I wanted it to be or so I thought. I had mainly
mapped out some distorted form of monetary and materialistic value of what achievement
meant; I had invented another story or version of what my ancestors meant.
My inherited narrative of goals were still
painted with unevaluated strong beliefs of ‘I shoulds & must’s.
This is where I felt comfortable, and who
wouldn’t? Never did I consider once to step outside of that box of ‘I shouldn’t and must,’ until now
I may have verged on stepping outside that
box once or twice in my life, but never felt comfortable enough to completely
step outside of that box; and for the first time to look in and be a bystander
of my life.
My inherited narrative has been a great
dream of, ‘ I should have acquired
certain things in life, or I should have achieved something by such and such a
date’; it’s been a fantastic and intangible dream. ‘I have been the walking and talking
infomercial of my ancestors, my grandparents, my family and family friends
How could not I be, as that is what I have
mostly been surrounded by and moulded by.
In being and adopting the said
‘narratives,’ I stopped myself from truly living and in actualising who I can
potentially be.
What I am learning is that inherited values
are valuable lessons and one’s to be treasured, that in order to truly live the
life I was intended to live, I should push the boat out even further and way
beyond my ancestor’s narratives.
What fun would my or your history be, if those
who follow after us say, “well she/or he lived just like their ancestors.” But
what does that actually say about me or you, as individuals and as a
contributor in society?
Wouldn’t it be rather more amazing to
travel the road less travelled? To be in environments that are unsafe and
challenging?
I am learning that I was only mirroring inherited
beliefs through somebody’s else’s eyes, achievements and narratives. That my
ancestors, grandparents and parents were/are innovators, self-starters and creators
in their own-rights. They left their named imprinted foot marks on our planet way
before I even existed.
That they span me their historical tune
which I played to and danced to like in ‘Dancing with Wolves’ and held on with
pride for years; the lessons of ‘musts’ and should’. The moral of the story based on my own
perspective of ‘Dancing with Wolves,’ is that Kevin Costner (main character of
the movie) stepped out of his comfort zone, challenged his inherited narrative’s
and learnt how to live another way, the Sioux way which added more value and
meaning to his life.
If I
had been listening hard enough. My ancestor’s true narratives would playout as
follows:
- Learn from our lessons, of how hard life was like for us and how we overcame hardships and barriers in life.
- Learn from our successes and not from our failures
- We have paved the way for you, in order to make your life just a little bit easier, in order for you to achieve much greater and for the greater good
- We left this world without any of our monetary, or materialist achievements.
Lessons
learnt so far:
- By mirroring inherited narrative’s, one can become complacent and too comfortable with life
- Inherited narratives are safer than facing up to one’s true potential
- FEAR, is what stops us from truly actualising our true potential; is it easier to see achievements in materialistic form, rather than seeing ourselves (the me or I, as solely the achiever or successor).
- Giving and adding value in another person’s life, does not need to come in the shape of materialistic or momentary value
The answer to the familiar strangers question by the way, I
concluded was FEAR.
Fear and my inherited subconscious narratives made me feel secure, like a baby's blanket.
Now I have no choice, and have be pushed to let go at no feel free will. I now longer have a comfy cushion to safely boost me into the land of the unknown. I am now confronted face to face with my FEAR and to living in the NOW. For, ‘demain n'existe plus pour moi’
That indeed is the challenge in life,
throwing oneself in the dark without a moral compass, only to resurface as an
innovator, a creator and as an entrepreneur. This is the when one can actually,
truly start living and be in the position to give back in abundance and add
value in other people’s lives’ today and for future generations.
Thinking of the loss today of a loved Young Malawi Man
