It's Been So Long Since I Felt Truly Well: Living with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Illness
It's been so long since I've felt truly well that the memory of good health seems like a distant dream, blurred by the persistent presence of Fibromyalgia and chronic illness. The person I was before my diagnosis now feels like a character from a story I once knew. Almost too distant to grasp.
I've forgotten what it feels like to experience even a single day free from illness. Both my body and mind have adapted to this constant state of unwellness, relentlessly reminding me of my condition.
Even now, as I write to you, my fingers tingle with sensory reminders not to lose awareness of my physical limits. The tingling sensation serves as a caution, urging me to stay present and not to immerse myself too deeply or for too long in any activity.
This mindfulness helps me reduce the risk of exacerbating sensory sensitivity in my fingers and hands. It also helps prevent the onset of joint stiffness and chronic pain. This is just one example of the many symptoms I experience as a result of engaging in this activity. Other symptoms include cognitive challenges such as diminished concentration, headaches, backaches, and joint stiffness from sitting in one position for too long. Most of my symptoms get triggered by prolonged physical or mental exertion. Or sometimes by environmental factors I cannot control or predict.
The severe symptoms of my chronic condition can at times strip away the joy of undertaking activities, leaving behind only the stark reality of daily struggles.
Resisting the Signals: My Early Years with Fibromyalgia
In the early stages of my diagnosis, I resisted the signals my body was sending. I pushed myself through physical and mental tasks to the point of complete exhaustion, exacerbated by the realities of living with a chronic illness.
Why did I resist? It's simple. I've always been driven. Always pushing myself hard in everything I do. I was unaware of the harm I was causing my body. I often felt frustrated, angry, and saddened by my physical and mental limitations, especially since I was accustomed to a "normal," fast-paced lifestyle.
My ambition and work ethic, once sources of pride, now serve as reminders that I am not invincible. My illness shadows me constantly, an unyielding presence with each breath. The inevitable result of overexertion, be it physical or mental, is chronic flare-ups, compelling me to acknowledge and surrender to my condition's demands.
The Hard Lesson of Surrender
Living with a severe chronic illness has taught me the hard lesson of surrender. I've also learned that slowing down doesn't necessarily mean missing out on activities or life's opportunities. It signifies adapting to a new way of living, where I find gratitude and the importance of being present in every activity I engage in.
Viktor Frankl, who survived the concentration camps, wrote: "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." That is what surrender has meant for me. Not giving up, but changing what I can control: my mindset, my response, and the meaning I make from all of this.
This doesn't imply living a life free from ups and downs or devoid of challenges. On days when obstacles arise, no matter how long it takes, I work to retrain and reframe my mindset towards a more optimistic outlook.
Interestingly, it's in my dreams that I'm reacquainted with the sensation of being healthy. In these dreamscapes, I am briefly liberated from the constraints of living with chronic illness and experience life as it was before.
A Call to Awareness and Compassion
This blog post is more than just a personal reflection. It's a call to awareness.
For those who live with Fibromyalgia and chronic illnesses, every day is a testament to our resilience. And for those who have never experienced such conditions, I hope this glimpse into our world fosters understanding and empathy.
Let's bridge the gap between the unseen struggles and the shared human experience, illuminating the path towards compassion and support for all.
A Question for Fibro Warriors
How do you, as a Fibro Warrior, navigate the daily challenges of not feeling well both mentally and physically? I'd love to hear about your experiences and the strategies you use to overcome these obstacles and find moments of wellness amidst the struggle.
Share your thoughts in the comments below. You are not alone.
Access Useful Fibro & ME/CFS Resources I’ve put together for you.
For more of my writing, you can also follow Diary of Fibro Warrior on Substack.
Disclaimer
I am not a medical professional. This post is based on my personal lived experience and is for educational and supportive purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding your health.
No comments:
Post a Comment