A Glimpse of the Solar Eclipse

Sat atop a picturesque hill which feels like being on top of the world 

Black birds flying high above and  gliding along unwillingly with the force of the seaside wind 

The Sun hidden away beyond and behind misty foggy clouds; with the calming seas stretching out far and wide into the horizon

The seagulls float below and close to the seaside, chirping away with excitement of mornings delight. Do you (seagulls), know what is to soon come and fall upon us? 

The solar eclipse will soon pass us by, I am told

The cold sea breeze sweeps through cold cheeks and floating hair as a smooth touch of a special soul 

A tall stranger walks past with his dog, and is compelled to break the ice with a greeting of good morning; if only his joyful twilight grinning soul could pierce this frozen heart 

Sat on top of the world waiting, for the solar eclipse to arrive and enlightenment the day 

Still sat on top of the world without any sunlight to imprint gold dust into the soul; nor darkness to unravel the soul off its floods 

A significant moment has passed whilst we stood still waiting for a glimpse of the solar eclipse ....for it was not our time yet, to be adorned with something so magnificent

By CFM_200315

Death Anxiety

There are so many things which become more apparent and transparent through the infliction of death anxiety 

1) Life becomes redefined into mindfulness and meaningfulness 

2) The heart becomes consumed with sorrowful and everlasting pain with a void which can never be replaced 

3) The things that once appeared significant become meaningless and just minor obstacles to true living 

4) The daily norms of normality, "dress up to show-work assembly line," becomes even questionable on the purposefulness 

5) Friendships are tested with some trials and tribulations and only the true souls turn up to rescue one from the sinking ship. A light is shown on false friendships, strength prevails and propels one to the true souls

6) Risk tasking becomes the authentic way of being for there is no longer time to waste 

7) Tomorrow no longer matters, maximising today becomes more important. For tomorrow never comes 

8) Doubts are replaced with assurance and certainties of MUST and WILL 

9) True appreciation of family becomes even more present 

9) The longing, needing and aching for the one now deceased becomes a daily battle to learning how to live without 

10) Food, drink, weather, physical and emotional being, social communication become sustenance and substitutes to suppress or alleviate the aching soul temporarily

The death anxiety is not the fear of death. It is the heightened deep appreciation of death, and the knowing that there is no eternity to any soul on earth. 

The death anxiety is the peeling of yet another layer of oneself; the re-learning of how to live yet again without an extra soul on this earth 

Death anxiety, is internal conflict between needing freedom from pain, yet not wanting the pain to disappear; for if pain disappeared so would true existence and appreciate death 

By CFM_210315

I am no longer Jealous of Death

I am no longer jealous of death anymore; for no one can proudly say that they had a beautiful intelligent, thoughtful and loving younger sister such as you 

I am no longer jealous for you will forever be my little angel

I am no longer jealous because I am grateful for each day I got to spend with you

I am no longer jealous because I had the opportunity to spiritually connect with you, before you departed this world 

I am no longer jealous because I heard your lasting words, saw your last smile and tears 

I am no longer jealous because I got to hold your hand, talk to you, play you music each and everyday

I will never be jealous because something magnificent drew us together and each day mattered 

I am no longer jealous for I know you are resting in eternal peace, my sweet angel

I am no longer jealous for you will forever be my heart

Love you forever more , plus infinity 

By CFM inspired by Labrinth- Jealous-Single

I am Jealous of Death

I am Jealous of Death 

I am Jealous that death took you away from me

I am jealous of the fact that you are no longer here with me

I am jealous of Time for it stole you away from me

It is hard for me to say that I am jealous of the Coffin and the Earth, that now holds you much closer than I will ever be able to again 

I am jealous that I will never be able to hug, kiss or hold your hand ever again

I always thought you would come and tell me that it was all a dream 

I wished you the best each day while you were here with me and hoped you had found a bit of peace each day

All I do is cry behind my smile

I am jealous of the way the rain poured and rained on the day we said our final goodbye; for we missed the opportunity to say a peaceful goodbye

I am jealous of the thunder and lightning that took me away from you hurriedly, on the day you were buried

It is hard for me to say, I am jealous of the soil and mud that now surrounds you; for I wished I could hold you eternally

I wished you all the best that this world could ever give

I told you when you were ill, that there was nothing to forgive for all the pain that you were going through and that I would be with you forever, no matter what

I am jealous that your life was cut way too short, for we never got to rejoice your recovery,

nor will we be able to celebrate our future family events together again 

All I do is cry behind my smile

Even though the world has now become a bitter and cold place to live in, without you; I am happy that you will never see me in this eternal pain 

It is hard for me to say that I am happy that you are no longer in pain, but sad to know that it meant you had to leave me eternally

I wished you all the best this world could ever give and jealous for the day’s that I can no longer spend with you now

It is hard for me to say I wished many days that you would soon wake from deep sleep, and smile once more at me

I am jealous and angry for the fact that death won, and took you from you me, my little angel

I always thought you would grow up to be a beautiful successful woman

I wished you a bright future with a wedding day which will now never come 

I am jealous of the way that life has turned out; for the world did not have the opportunity to see your extraordinary talents 

I am jealous of the way your pure and innocent heart was taken away from this world

I am jealous that all I am left with in this moment is the deepest pain ever

It is hard for me to say, I am jealous by the way the hospital bed embraced you more than I could have during your lasting moments

I am jealous for the fact that I could not lay next to you each day to ease your pain

I am jealous for I will never be able to hear these words from you again, 

“I am fine and going to be okay.”

I am jealous that when I kissed, hugged and held your hand it was the very last time

I told you, I was sorry for all the pain you had to go through and that I loved you very much until eternity 

I am jealous for I was dragged away from you, as you lay in eternal peace 

all on your own

For how could I leave you, sweet angelic you, forever, even when you lay still forever 

You my dear sweet daring angel will always be my heart; 

I am no longer jealous 

By CFM inspired by Labrinth- Jealous-Single