Cultivating Successful and Healthier Relationships

I woke up today feeling rejuvenated with new energy. I took the moment to meditate briefly; inhaling and exhaling deeply for 10 times. I felt my mind and body, opening up and letting go off emotions I had been internalising or hold onto for a while. 


I learnt a deeper level of appreciation and gratitude. To appreciate what I have now, such as: 

• Being born in a country (UK) and the opportunities I have benefited from life 

• To appreciate that although I was recently diagnosed with a chronic pain condition and numerous symptoms, that I am alive, able to breath and walk and use my hands freely. Sometimes, it is understandably easier to deeply internalise our own pain and suffering to the point that we are unable to value and appreciate the greater things in life.

• To take the time to observe, listen and learn more from people before judging them too quickly.

• All Relationships do grow, change and heal overtime; no matter what the circumstance is.  

•  The more you grow as a person, the more effective you become in managing your emotions and letting go off anger. If you are not growing and pushing past the things that have happened in the past, then you are likely to remain stagnant and not develop. 

• Learn to grow as an individual, try not to respond with violence or anger (although sometimes it cannot be helped). For instance, understand that the person you are caught up in an intense dialogue with may be going through their own personal challenges. Moreover, that their behaviour is temporary and does not make them the person who they are 100% of the time.

• Learn to focus on the little things in relationships that you value the most about the individual/or your partner, rather than on the major arguments. For instance, what initially attracted you to them in the first, i.e. their caring nature, or what they may do for others etc…  

• What you put into any form of relationship is what you get back. To learn how to upgrade your own communication and persuasion skills, so that you can be in the position to lead by example. When you are able to manage certain situations, others may learn from you. May also start to change.

• Learn to share ideas rather than internalise them, up to the point that you feel like exploding.  

• It is more important to be self-fulfilled first, as an entity rather than waiting for someone else to fulfill you; otherwise you will never feel complete as an individual. It is about owning your own stuff and accepting your own behaviors. Like attracts like. When you own it, your behaviour (rising above and overcoming), you are likely to engage with like minded individuals.

• To understand that life is about abundance and engaging with more people, rather than being focused on one individual and waiting for them to accept you, fall in love with etc... When you learn how to attract and attain, new relationships (i.e. approaching new people in daily situations in your own environment/community); you learn the laws of attraction. Moreover, you learn how to leverage and scale new potential relationships by getting to know individuals more deeply on a friendship level first, through chemistry rather than on a superficial level.

• Life is about passing moments: To accept rejection as part of life, as individuals do change and evolve over time. People transcend and they do move on. Learn to experience the journey, by doing so learn you learn to accept change and can adapt more easily in life.

• Those you spend with can be the person you become. Such as being with friends who may think that for instance that, ‘all men are evil.- as a generations. You may start to think the same, or inherit friendship or family believes of what relationships are about. What they are imparting on you is their own personal experiences and challenges.

• Lastly, we cultivate the relationships we want. It starts with us and we can be more successful at attracting others on a higher and deeper level.

• Fun and spontaneity is essential: To try new things when dating, such as going for a walk, picnic, visiting art galleries, or museums; being in environments where you get to know each other more.

• If you want a serious and long lasting relationship, you have got to wait. For instance, value more what it means to kiss a new person for the first time. Build tension up first and don't rush through the process of relating and getting to know each other person on a deeper level. Through that experience, you will get to know their behaviours, moreover be able to determine if you whether there in it for the long run.

• Again try not to limit yourself to one individual, develop many relationships, as in ‘friendships.’ Less of the tinder flicking, yes/no through pictures and more engagement in person.  

• To understand that men and women have different ways of dealing with emotions. Women self-sooth through sharing their personal experiences on a deeper level either by seeking attention of from their partner or with friends. It takes women longer to process emotional things. Men tend to not share their emotions, and may find other ways of self-soothing; they may disconnect if a discussion becomes intense. Are able to let go emotionally, sooner rather than later. Sometimes, it is better to stop a discussion to pick it up at a later stage.

There is so much more, I have learnt. I could go on this topic. The above information is based on generations overall of how the male and female population may respond to different situations. 

It was understood that we as individuals have different levels of emotional responses. It was more about learning how to understand behaviours, and accepting them as that. By doing that we can grow more on a deeper level and let go off things which may internally/misunderstand in the absence of effective communication skills

Conflict in relationships: believe it, or not is good it enables us to learn and grow as individuals. We learn overtime how to manage conflict better, when we accept people for who they are; “rather than internalising/being hurt by their temporary behaviours.”

The process of personal growth takes time, it does not happen overnight. It is about strength and character building. This simple and yet most effective morning ritual was something that we (attendees) were shown yesterday during a seminar by Ed Smith 

“The 4 Keys To the Successful Relationship You Deserve.”

I committed to waking up early to what I classify as "silly o'clock time (4am) on a Saturday morning to attend the seminar. As an insomniac this is usually the time, I tend to fall asleep (Living in Fibro World).

What I have learnt overtime is that, when an opportunity is thrown in your way take it, and I chose to take mine. I decided to attend the seminar and walked out feeling much happier and with a new layer of personal growth and development.

Moreover, I am pleased that I stayed until the end of the seminar. Ed Smith afforded us the opportunity to learn more about his own personal life journey and challenges that he has overcome. One of the attendees asked him about his daily morning ritual. Ed kindly took us through his daily mediation ritual. He asked us to close our eyes and played meditative music in the background. 

Overall, it was a very powerful experience for me. I found myself letting go off some of the pain, I had been hold onto to on a deeper level. Also, in the moment, I was able to let go off some of the chronic pain, which I suffer from on a daily basis.

Talk about a special selfie moment and my amazed look. I took the opportunity to thank Ed Smith. I experienced another layer of personal transformation, which I did not expect especially during the meditation process. I let go off my tensions and some of my chronic pain.

I met this very special lady, during the seminar. She joined me during my mini walk to Kensington Palace and Park.During the walk we reflected on what we learnt and shared our personal relationships journeys.

We also met Parisian tourists just near palace gates . I have gained a new friendship with a young Parisian lady, who has promised she will show me around Paris next time I visit; to learn more about the traditional french culture.

Relationships in terms of dating experiences:

I would personally recommend attending one of Ed Smith’s Seminars in London if you can. Moreover, staying until the end.  

 

Ed's Team & Champions 

P.S. The next topic I will share with you is on what I learnt from Ed Smith; "Why People Fail in Relationships". WATCH MY VIDEO HERE! The Champion Academy CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE! 

Learn More About Me Here >>>>>CfmXclusive Products

NOTE: Some of the pictures and video's used in this blog are courtesy of the Ed Smith & The Champion Academy!

Inherited Narratives of My Ancestors

NARRATIVES SWATHED IN A DREAMLIKE STATE: KURT SELIGMANN AT WEINSTEIN GALLERY- HTTP://SFAQ.US/2015/06/NARRATIVES-SWATHED-IN-A-DREAMLIKE-STATE-KURT-SELIGMANN-AT-WEINSTEIN-GALLERY/

Have you ever watched the movie, ‘Dancing with the Wolves?’

Have you ever felt as though, you are a walking and talking a narrative that is too familiar and has been stuck with you for many years? An inherited narrative that has made you feel safe, comfortable, challenged you a little bit and made you doubt yourself at times?

Have you ever stopped to check whose inherited narratives you are carrying?

Yesterday, someone challenged me in a positive and constructive way. He asked me, why does hanging onto who I am now, or used to be, matter so much to me? Moreover, why was I fighting so much to let the, Me and I go?

My inherited narrative up to yesterday had been filled with unevaluated, ‘I should’ and musts

I with strong conviction held onto the ‘I should’ & musts, so much so, that at times I felt stuck in the agonizing self-critique dialogue of; “I am a failure in life.”

An unevaluated narrative, for I had never stopped long enough to deeply engage with my inner core and spirit of my ‘raison d'être’ what was leading me to live the life I have been living so far.’

My 'future life' was mapped out, life most of you. Indeed, I had that great future plan; 5-year plan, 10-year plan and so forth. My intangible and imaginative plan looked great in my head and was ahead of me.

There were days, I lay awake dreaming of how I would eventually implement, ‘my plan,’ in the future. How nice is it dream, don’t you think?

Some of my ancestors spoke the same universal dialect (should & must go to school graduate, get a job, marry, settle down have kids and become a grandmother) which partially became embedded in my soul. The self-critique would then verbalise the inherited tick list, as failures with the usual musts and should by such and such a date, then I will be fulfilled

Flash forward today, I no longer visualise a 5-year plan, or 10-year plan for I learnt the hard way that demain n’existe pas.

Reflecting back dreamlike states, visualisations, day dreaming never pushed me closer to actualising my true potential, instead I achieved comfortable distorted goals. It is definitely much easier to sit back, dream and relax when one has a future plan.

Today, I only believe in consciously choosing every decision I make, so that tomorrow, I will wake with, ‘Je ne regrette rein.’

Until yesterday, I thought I had finally figured ma raison d'être, on the contrary

I was constructively challenged yesterday and discovered that my outlook in life in terms of achievements has been based on my self-imposed inherited narratives all along. Redefined based on materialistic achievements.

The feedback I received challenged my internal struggles and endless inherited verbatim beliefs. I had not stopped long enough to question myself what it would be like to just let go off everything that once represented me. FEAR is the first word that came to mind. 

Funny, enough the lifestyle I feared all along is the lifestyle I imagined and dreamt of living

I discovered that it has been much easier to hide behind the great narratives of my ancestors which have been passed onto to me in another layer of realism.  

Now, how could someone a familiar stranger ask me to let go off everything I believed me, that symbolised me?

Even though I had let go off long term plans, and converted to the now plans; I still had my life mapped out in my head and now paper just the way I wanted it to be or so I thought. I had mainly mapped out some distorted form of monetary and materialistic value of what achievement meant; I had invented another story or version of what my ancestors meant.  

My inherited narrative of goals were still painted with unevaluated strong beliefs of ‘I shoulds & must’s.

This is where I felt comfortable, and who wouldn’t? Never did I consider once to step outside of that box of ‘I shouldn’t and must,’ until now

I may have verged on stepping outside that box once or twice in my life, but never felt comfortable enough to completely step outside of that box; and for the first time to look in and be a bystander of my life.

My inherited narrative has been a great dream of, ‘ I should have acquired certain things in life, or I should have achieved something by such and such a date’; it’s been a fantastic and intangible dream.  ‘I have been the walking and talking infomercial of my ancestors, my grandparents, my family and family friends

How could not I be, as that is what I have mostly been surrounded by and moulded by.

In being and adopting the said ‘narratives,’ I stopped myself from truly living and in actualising who I can potentially be.

What I am learning is that inherited values are valuable lessons and one’s to be treasured, that in order to truly live the life I was intended to live, I should push the boat out even further and way beyond my ancestor’s narratives.

What fun would my or your history be, if those who follow after us say, “well she/or he lived just like their ancestors.” But what does that actually say about me or you, as individuals and as a contributor in society?

Wouldn’t it be rather more amazing to travel the road less travelled? To be in environments that are unsafe and challenging?

I am learning that I was only mirroring inherited beliefs through somebody’s else’s eyes, achievements and narratives. That my ancestors, grandparents and parents were/are innovators, self-starters and creators in their own-rights. They left their named imprinted foot marks on our planet way before I even existed.  

That they span me their historical tune which I played to and danced to like in ‘Dancing with Wolves’ and held on with pride for years; the lessons of ‘musts’ and should’.  The moral of the story based on my own perspective of ‘Dancing with Wolves,’ is that Kevin Costner (main character of the movie) stepped out of his comfort zone, challenged his inherited narrative’s and learnt how to live another way, the Sioux way which added more value and meaning to his life. 

If I had been listening hard enough. My ancestor’s true narratives would playout as follows:

• Learn from our lessons, of how hard life was like for us and how we overcame hardships and barriers in life.  
• Learn from our successes and not from our failures
• We have paved the way for you, in order to make your life just a little bit easier, in order for you to achieve much greater and for the greater good
• We left this world without any of our monetary, or materialist achievements.

Lessons learnt so far:

• By mirroring inherited narrative’s, one can become complacent and too comfortable with life
•  Inherited narratives are safer than facing up to one’s true potential
• FEAR, is what stops us from truly actualising our true potential; is it easier to see achievements in materialistic form, rather than seeing ourselves (the me or I, as solely the achiever or successor).
• Giving and adding value in another person’s life, does not need to come in the shape of materialistic or momentary value

The answer to the familiar strangers question by the way, I concluded was FEAR. 

Fear and my inherited subconscious narratives made me feel secure, like a baby's blanket.

Now I have no choice, and have be pushed to let go at no feel free will. I now longer have a comfy cushion to safely boost me into the land of the unknown. I am now confronted face to face with my FEAR and to living in the NOW. For, ‘demain n'existe plus pour moi’

That indeed is the challenge in life, throwing oneself in the dark without a moral compass, only to resurface as an innovator, a creator and as an entrepreneur. This is the when one can actually, truly start living and be in the position to give back in abundance and add value in other people’s lives’ today and for future generations.

 Thinking of the loss today of a loved Young Malawi Man

May Your Soul Rest in Eternal Peace

CLICK HERE NOW!!

What If I Told You That....

 What I told you that....

A few weeks ago (3 weeks ago to be exact) I lost my sense of purpose?

I lost my WHY and my PURPOSE for being? I lost my driving spirit towards achieving something better and greater for the goodness in life. 

My life, my world suddenly stopped and stood still?  





What if I told you that...

• I am stuck in a bubble filled with nothingness and emptiness? 

• I had so many passions and drive which are now foreshadowed by something else. That now, I exist just for the sake of existing and nothing else as I standstill? 

• My mind has been completely and absolutely blank most days, that I have forgotten what it means to live; to truly live a life. A life I was intended to live with passion, drive and with no regrets 

What if I told you...

• My life is a blur,  'a grey cloudy blur.' My memory well that's another story for another day. 

• What if I told you, one of my passions or interests was writing; just writing for the sake of writing and as an outlet for my freedom of expression, only that this is the first I have been able to write with a clear mind 

• I lost it all completely 

• I have always been in control of my life and everything around me and now well I have nothing absolutely nothing, 'no control'

What if I told you that...

• something more powerful and stronger than me took over me and my life whilst I stood still 

• I put my hands up and finally gave in, with no will, or fight left in me left to fight anymore 

What if I told you that...

• this is the first time in a few weeks my mind has finally snapped out of 'brain fog,' 

• I might just be finding life's meaning again and sense of purpose, which at times feels as though it's in arms reach, only I have yet to reach it. 

• I have become comfortable in being, just being; in being disconnected from it all; external factors that is, including you. 

• What if I told you, I feel nothing absolutely nothing. As ironic as it may be, I live with chronic pain and fatigue every single day and yet feel nothing, absolutely nothing. 

What if I told you that...

• everyday I wake up thinking for a few seconds, only for a few seconds that I am finally back to 'normal' (whatever normal is)? 

• I have grieved the loss of me and I am still caught between reality and world of surrealism 

• That I am yet to be thankful for being afflicted; I remain in denial and won't accept it 

• Did I tell you that my soul died a few weeks ago, when I finally was defeated by Fibromyalgia? What I define as the monstrous demon creature without a conscious, or any sense of guilt.  

What if I told you that 

• this is my journey and only my journey alone? A journey of discovering the new me in the midst of what feels like turmoil? 

• I am coming to terms with my new reality of being afflicted? Would you stop offering me advise, alternative medication, supplements, promises of cures and miracles, and stop saying everything will be fine if I, if I just take this, or take that, or if I stop this, or that, or if just. Would you just be there for me instead and ride this journey with me? 

What if I told you that...

•  being inflicted has caused me to stand still for a reason, to stop and stand still, even if I do not understand my WHY and purpose for BEING yet?

•  so many people do not have the opportunity to stop and be still, to reflect even if it means only for a little and to be comfortable with doing nothing?

• stopping just for a little while makes you appreciate life more and it's meaning? 

• you do not have to wait to experience suffering and affliction before you can do something more meaningful and valuable in your life? 

What if I ask you now what your WHY or REASON FOR BEING is? you know? 

Do you feel like you are embracing your WHY and REASON FOR BEING fully each day? 

What if I told you, and I just have told you. 

Would it matter at all? 

Fibromyalgia Awareness Month #Fibrofighers

Although I have stood still for a little while, just for a little while longer than expected,

Today is my first step of trailing back yet again to my life purpose -my WHY and REASON FOR BEING  

-raison d'être

This Thing Called Fi-bro-my-algia

Last week the name Fibromyalgia, or its definition did not exist in my everyday language or vocabulary.

Sure I heard the word before, I knew it was a condition of some sort. I never bothered to look into, because it was just one of those news words I heard at the time and thought how interesting but was never curious enough to search further to find out what it actually meant.

Let’s rewind the clock back to about three years ago…

Three years ago, I had ‘symptoms’ what could be classed as generalised symptoms without any concrete, or tangible  foundations. At first, for all I knew it could have been Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), or the ‘getting older syndrome much more sensitive to the cold and more tired than usual syndrome.’

No that was not it.

Goodness I was still young. I knew something was changing. At first I brushed the symptoms off as something that would soon wear off

Then it was the countless and endlessness trips to the GP Surgery- where my appointments became let’s figure out the next missing piece to this jigsaw puzzle

Then I progressed to the stage of becoming my own, ‘specialist Dr,’ for who could understand me, or know me better than myself? I had to take control, and stop feeling vulnerable at the hands of the medical professionals. I had to equip myself with knowledge that made feel empowered enough to articulate what I was feeling. I had to stop this foreign language with Dr's, for this cross purpose dialogue was not getting us anywhere- ‘mind you, we were speaking the same national language’ English.

Then it was onto the recruitment my own Specialist Dr's phase. Lucky me, I soon discovered that each Dr only focused on assessing different functions of the body. Eye's wide open, I learnt there was no single medical professional yet, who could piece all the broken pieces of me together back again. Mon Deau

So it was either the Arthritis, Gluten Intolerance, Thyroid suspected problems, or something Autoimmune related.  All diagnosed and assessed separately.

Moving onto the next stage, it even get's better. It was the, wait a minute stage, “all your blood tests are normal”- so everything must be okay with you. So if everything is okay with you, ‘say’s one medical professional indirectly pointing towards my head.’ Never felt so insulted in my life, “so it must be my imagination, or that my head is not okay, or are you trying to imply that I have a mental health condition?  Nothing wrong being assessed as having a mental health condition, but this is not what I am have spent nearly 30mins of my time describing to you…

You will excuse me, for a second. I may just need to take a minute to scream, yell out my frustrations and anger. Breathe and relax and exhale. For I could possibly not do so and 'act out of character.’ I would only be defeating my own solo-cause and be pulled out in a stray jacket.

Fast forward to today, to this exact moment.  I almost want to wear a bright sign, or a t-shirt with a bright red label to my next GP appointment which says, ‘TOLD YOU SO.’ Off course I would not so... I am better than that. Instead, I decided to take control and now I am seeing a GP who actually listens… Thank you

So let’s rewind back again to last week…

So last week Fi-bro-my-algia, Fibromyalgia now I can pronounce the name fully and even spell it. Fibromyalgia has became my daily vocabulary following medicals tests, after watching countless you-tube videos and undertaking google searches to learn what this condition was all about.

As I entered the hospital little did I know that I would soon be planted with a scarlet letter. I was given a number, told to walk through multiple doors to the Rheumatology unit. For some reason it was coloured coded yellow, whether that means anything or not – who knows? Only my wondering thoughts at the time, as I walked the green mile down the endless corridor   

As soon as entered through the doors with the number and colour code, I knew this was my final destination. There was a box in front of me, in which I was to throw my number, mixed in with the rest of the patient’s numbers in the waiting room.

I wondered how the medical professionals would be able to identify my number if we were all given the number (1) and same colour code. It downed on me, we were all there with pre-determined and similar medical assessments. The only things that distinguished us all, was that we were called out by the nurse-one by one by our individual names…

As I sat down and looked around me, everyone else looked much older than me. ‘I shouldn’t be here, not yet, everyone else looks so much older than me.’ ---thoughts running through my mind yet again. Well guess what there is no number, or age to distinguish, or exempt anyone from this condition. 

Another layer of reality kicked in with a dose of a bitter pill  

The ‘Medical Specialist’ completed his pain assessments tests by the book. First came out the all familiar words again, ‘your blood tests results appear to be normal with a few minor concerns.’ My heart nearly sunk again, for which other specialist medical professional would I need to search for?

Only this time around it was a different outcome. Turns out, I have Fibromyalgia, I passed all the pain point’s tests; according to the specialist and the patient brochure I was handed- all the 18-20 points on my body ached. I ached where I didn’t even know the pain existed before.

I feel like I should get a medal, or something for passing this test- Unfortunately not the case.

So now I have a name to the endless, countless painful, soul and physically destroying symptoms

So now I have a name … do I feel better? Is my nightmare over?  

I now have a name and my reality is now only sinking in

I am told there is definitely no magic cure, the only treatment is pain relief plus the added extra recommendations to ease the symptoms

Knowing me I will trying almost everything natural and organic for this thing must have stemmed from somewhere in the first place right? Just as it came it will soon disappear with the right treatment right?  

Don’t worry the denial part or phase has already passed

Now it is the taking it all in phase- the condition/syndrome digesting it, day by day and maximising each opportunity and being thankful for what I have got phase- (although I hope it is a forever lasting phase)

Why thankful – I should be screaming, yelling, pulling my hair out, crying countless tears of ‘the why me phase’

Don’t’ worry after all, I am a human being – to not feel any emotion at all is not living in the true sense…

Why thankful- the condition itself is all those turbulent emotions wrapped into one. It (the condition) speaks high volumes on it’s on. When its at its best (or what I call beast mode- pardon my sense of humour), ‘the chronic stage’ – its angry rage already does all those things (unravels all it raging emotions), without me needing to be an active participant.  All my freedom and liberties of expressions are taken away- I am bound by the beast until it subsides again

Thankful because today is a good day – thankful for I am learning to store my energy for today for a rainy.

Thankful even though the challenges and loss of certain abilities that I can still articulate my feelings, walk, write, manage to eat, do everything else even if it’s achieved in small stages  

Thankful for I have been able to stop and stay still from all the madness and crazy busyness of this word – of being wrapped up in the nothingness of it all and to actually appreciate each day

Thankful for I have learnt to be patient and to break down my goals into a few manageable minutes- routine has become my habit which when I had the capability to do I did not utilise

Thank for I allow myself to be and ride through the motions and allow myself to stop.

Are there some days where I feel like kicking and screaming, hell yes... I am only human right? Thankful for that too; ) Only better to focus my brain and in making myself "Limitless," like Matt Lloyd. After-all now I have the time to focus on myself right? 

Moral of this Real Narrative? 

Value what you have today, take it all in, use 'it' (you) to the best of your abilities. Achieve something meaningful enough each day, but not to the detriment of losing yourself completely.  Later is procrastination and tomorrow never comes...