Touched and Twitched a Raw Nerve without a stake knife
Forgive this
floetry, for I don’t write to correct any mistakes, I write to just let it flow
( so no grammar, spelling or review) let’s just let it flow and be imperfect
just for a second; need to write it all down to rationalise what the f… sake
has happened
Frustrated,
at the bullshit factor …………………..
It is not the
death itself that is hard
It is the
bullshit that comes along with it all after a dearly loved soul has passed
It is the
bullshit and nonsense that does not allow the breathing space to actually
consider that one needs to breathe and have space to grieve for someone
meaningful
It is the
carelessness in the human nature of what it means to the other to lose
something so meaningful
It is the
absurdity of it all that a life once very meaningful becomes worthless in the
aftermath by the other
The bullshit
is the bureaucracy the paper punching, the administrative tasks that need to be
done, in the duty of closing a case
The bullshit
is losing meaning in what a human soul means and the value becoming the paper
exercise and administrative task in place of a human life
The bullshit
becomes eagle and the sense of entitlement by those in powerful positions, or
those who feel they have two cents or dimes to drop into something that doesn’t
really involve them
It is the
absurd concept of man/woman feeling the sense of entitlement over something
that wasn’t theirs to begin with; but the crazy thing in all
of this is what they are fighting for is not, ‘the deceased human being,’ for
each has a stake in what they feel, 'is owed to them of all a sudden.'
I call these things the bullshit people, the shift shaper’s for they didn't really care, they had
an end result, no matter what the stake. They had a duty to ensure they
got what they wanted in the end,
regardless if you became the victim of their cause along their way
No matter the
fact that they dressed up in an angel suit to win your heart. For they can easily change into devil suits which come bearing the gift of, 'let's stab you deep to wound your soul even deeper'
It is the
bull shifters at the end of the day, who hug you and kiss you and let you know
all will be okay, and the second your back is turned stab you in back
The bull
shifters are the one’s who during pre-crisis moments, ‘ pretend to care,’ and the moment
something critical happens no longer exist or cease any meaningful contact
It is the bullshit
that takes over the factor of forgetting that a human life, has been lost which
had meaning, had a soul and did actually have a true existence in this world
It is the blatant
arrogance and the ego, ‘the I deserve to be entitled and who gives a f… that
someone has passed away.’ and
the transparent back stabbing, which take place without shame nor guilt after your loved one
has deceased their existence from this
so called world
It is the
professionals dressed in disguise (white or blue print uniforms, or a fancy suit who pretend to care
all the same way, like a dress rehearsal of etiquette- all in the name of procedures), who have their own ultimate
outcome- that is to achieve whatever means they can to get what is “owned to
them, the organisation” no matter what the cost
Forget the
fact they comforted you, or befriended you, they have a means to an end; that
is stamp duty; to complete a process which demonstrates their task is
done
You after all
are a case that needs to be closed for good, one less case off the desk
Forget the fact
that a human entity existed
It is the
bullshit of it all that is frustrating, painstakingly hurtful and painful
It is the bureaucracy
that takes the human factor of it all out of the human nature
Forget the
fact that you could be impacted and go through the experience of losing someone
Forget the
fact that you actually do care
At the end of
the day, a nurse may dress up in a costume, a hospital manager may wear their
best tie for the day, a finance manager may present their spreadsheet well for
the day; filled with I am entitled
At the end of
the day, no matter how friendly, compassionate any person you encounter along
the way, they have a job to do
Their task is
to ensure they have crossed their ‘T’s correctly, adhered to their policies and
procedures and punched the right corners to ensure at the end of the day that
they have completed the job, ‘their job.’
It is a job
at the end of the day, you are a number
Do not consider
just because that person is being empathetic or cordial that they at the end
have your best interest at heart. In the end everyone has got a job to do in
order to be paid, or to reach a result
It is not the
loss or losing that is difficult
It is the
bullshit of it all it all, the bureaucracy that takes all the human factor out
of compassion, out of caring or being empathetic enough; to actually stop for
one minute to consider that a LIFE INDEED ONCE EXISTED AND NOW IS DEAD
The effect or
impact of FEELING LOSS only happens when one is placed in the same particular
position, and actually feels the impact of what it feels like to be listed as a
number, to experience what it feels like not to be important
To experience
what it feels like, to just be another number on someone else’s’ register (that
is no longer your ticking box), which needs to be closed soon enough and guess
what you do not have a say or control over
It is the bullshit
of it that distracts enabling those who have lost to actually experience in
peace what it means to actually lose someone
It is the
nonsense and bullshit that gets into the way; with a sense of I feel entitled
to claim ownership now the person who is now DEAD.
All I have to
say to that is, I am f…….. and who do you think you are? Last time I checked
you bled and felt just like me, us another human being
Do not expect
that the same bullshit that is happening to me won’t happen to you.
Don’t expect
for one second that I expect the same ill shit that you put upon me.
Let’s not get
our wires crossed
No matter the
bureaucracy and the hole punching process, what makes me different in this
whole bullshit process is that I DO FEEL and DO NOT PRETEND TO FEEL
Lets stop
pretending for one second that you actually care that the person, I actually
love meant one single thing to you. Let’s just stop, AND STOP THE BULLSHIT
Let just stop
completely for more than a second
After all you
have a job to do- so let’s cut out the bullshit-
In the end,
in LIFE there is meaning, in DEATH there is no meaning
At the end of
the day everyone and everybody thinks they have an entitlement and a stake, IN
DEATH
There is no
human act in this cause, just another selfishness and bullshit
Had to let it
all out- because it is all absurd, meaningless and ridiculous
It is the bullshit
and shapeshift factor of it, that make me feel all f…
So lets drop
the mask and stop pretending for the sake of paper punching
At the end of
the day there is ‘a human being (s), and we have to be able to sleep at night
with a conscience of what if, what it happened to me?
What if it
happened to me and I lost someone I deadly and truly loved?
ould I
continue to be a paper puncher, a number cruncher, for the sake of bureaucracy?
I feel f…. of
and mad at the world and its entities-human beings who have become mummified
for the sake of just being mummified, which in the end depletes the ‘human
factor,
I feel f…
because it happened to me and it has happened to me
I feel f…..
and I have to write it down in order to decipher what has happened to ‘the
human factor’
What have we
lost?
Still f… off
for it has happened to me
~The question
is will you actually connect with me, or disregard me, as just another
number???? Will you take into consideration that I have lost?
Will you
consider, that what I have lost is not a staple or a hole puncher? That you
will consider for one second that what I have lost is a human entity and not an
item?
I have indeed
lost a human entity, something tangible and something with meaningful
Will you
treat me or others in a different way???
F… off still
at the bullshit_ness of this world
CFM_100815
