Chatting with My Gilfriend.........Paul Walker (R.I.P.)

It is clear to me for the first time. I have been stuck and running from something for a long time. The only person and thing I have been running from is me and only me. There is nothing else and no one else in this world that can achieve and make things come true for me but only me. I went walking in London yesterday, Satuarday 30th November 2013; and got lost in the world of the rich and richer. I walked into a street which did not symbolise me, and a world which appeared so out of reach. I felt as though I was an intruder into a life that was not mine. I walked by kids that symbolised wealth and felt not wealthly and felt as though they could look through me. I felt as though I may not be ‘good enough.’ I felt as though I was not entitled. It seemed like a life so far out of reach from me, a world which would never belong to me. At the same time I wondered whether I would want or desire this world to belong to me? Would I want to belong to this world, where material things cost an extraordinary amount? For me its about obtaining a freedom in life, where I do not have to feel or regret being or doing. I am at a point where I have reached the peak of lifes frustrations. I am frustrated by what is far out of reach, yet so close to me and in reach. I am the non active participant in my own life. Instead I have opted for assuming, consuming and admiring in others what could be my life. I am envious for what many have worked tones of hours and sacrificed for. I wish for the easy way into life; for my life to change for the fact that I want it to change. Why should it not change, for me? I feel entitled for it to change willingly with me being a non active participant in it. I admire the doers for they do, I admire them for the ‘freedom,’ they have obtained. So today, Paul Walker (Actor and Director) passed away. We were informed for some of us, who didn’t know that he had a fifteen year old daughter. You start to think and ponder what life means, and what a tragic loss it is; for someone so young to have died in such a tragic way. You start to evaluate life and what it all means. Ironically he died, as though a script was written in advance of how his life would pan out. Not only was he an actor of the same tragic fate that would take his life; that being race cars. Who in the world would have determined his discourse of life would end so tragically? The only difference is that he lived. Or one can assume he lived and pursued what he wanted in life, destined or not destined to. My friend and I want chatted today about, and concluded what we wanted at this stage of our lives.We have seen it and learnt from it (them-men) and decided where our head space is now (in the here and now). We have been schooled in the mastery of what men want at some level. They have spelled it out to us, a million of times whilst we have been in some of transitional relationships. We redefined what heard and wanted to hear and made the excuses, so that we could rationalise in our own heads that it was okay. It was okay, because we were not in the appropriate head space. At the end of it all, we concluded we are at the stage of where flings have become meaningless, where a males ego about what they need without giving a second thought of communicating commitment to the other has become meaningless. We have become skilled at deciphering the messages in the subtle tones of men to know what it is they really want; and to hear it loud and clear. When you reach that stage you begin to understand what is of value in life. What is of value is you and what you ultimately want in a relationship and being able to define 'IT,' and spell it out to the other. Life is too short for playing along for the sake of playing along and to please just of the sake of pleasing. Life is about being true to what one wants in life and in a partner. Life is too short to be playing games, of cat and mouse. Life is too expensive to make it too cheap at the sake of fulfilling a cheap thrill only to come down from it. In the end we concluded, WE ARE IMPORTANT. So in being important, we can define that we do not need to dress up to show up, in order to be spotted as an easy way in. We do not need to spell, out what we want in order to get what we want. A man who is ready to commit will commit, they will know and understand what is important to a woman they are ready to commit to. They will not take for granted what they have and value it as gold, that no longer needs to be a treasure, cause IT (SHE) has already been found. We have learned today by the tragic loss of a beautiful boy- young man, a treasured soul that life is too beautiful and too bountiful to take it for granted. May your soul rest in peace beautiful soul and thanks for showing up and gracing us with your presence – Paul Walker "http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-25173331">