Blossom in My Stomach

I let you blossom and grow in my womb I held you for as long as could 

At times you kicked to come out sooner than later I carried you with all my might till the lasting moments 

I knew eventually you would be introduced to the world I tried to hang onto you for as long as I 
I could

 I even changed my dress sense in order to make room for you and ensure you were safe 

I wore pink and flat shoes just for you, and to ensure you were safe I made sure you were surrounded by beautiful and loving people, so you could arrive into a peaceful world

I imagined the day you would come 

I dreaded the day I had to release you into our world 

 Now you are here and have been here for a while


 As we sit facing each other, I sit stilled by the world thinking, - 'hard to believe I once carried you in my womb ' for you have become my best friend

I SEE YOU

I visualise you, like it was yesterday I see you cradled in a child's pose, on a hot summers day You are knotted to the point I have no will power to untangle you As you look at me, in the now I still feel helpless You look at me with dead eyes and look through me There is no inner echoes of a cry for help You are entombed in your own world so deep you are lost You sit facing the sun, yet the sun does not shine on you or reflect a vision of you You radiate cold darkness I stand before you like a stranger My warmth and love for you does not radiate any spark; for you are lost in a world of darkness I stand before you and in front of you Only wishing you could see what I see in you And wishing you could feel and visualise what I feel for you Blood unites us, yet darkness has taken you away from me I see you still curled up, knotted up when I talk to you now on the present & no longer in the past, I am reminded that you are still her ( the you I see and visualise) I am reminded that you have created an imaginary world for yourself in order to cope with the realities of life All I wish is for you to untangle yourself I wish to imagine you no longer curled up or tangled up I wish for your laughter to represent a soul of truthfulness, for you remain emotionless even today I wish for you to know that feeling yet again would not shutter your world; it would only reunite you with yourself and let you live again I see you

Words for a Tombstone

How do You Summarise Words for a tombstone? How do you summarise a life? How do you minimise words into something meaningful and everlasting? How do you deal with the final encrypted words - never be to erased again How do you know the words written, encrypted and never to be erased again are sufficient? How do you summarise a life? How do you even start this process? Do I even want to start this process? By starting to scribble something, it symbolises yet another goodbye How does one even choose if a tombstone is the right one? Do I even want to choose, or would it be easier for someone else to do it? How does one process the final sealing of the grave? That in itself means, yet another goodbye and a further distance, a concealment and containment of our love Would I even want to be an active participant in this process, for I feel that even though this is yet another goodbye. For there are still more processes to come, of saying more goodbyes. Would I ever be ready to re-visit your grave site after the first time? Would I even want to? For I feel even though I saw you laid there in multi-layers of soil, that place does not symbolise you I feel you and see you, therefore you are everywhere.

Pumped with Adrenaline

Sometimes I am pumped with adrenaline, like this moment Just stopped in the middle the promenade whilst walking, on my way home Stood facing the ocean with the breeze of the ocean blowing gently in my face and hair. I am reminded of how sea is the best of nature; calm and wild at the same time. It's roaring presence has made me standstill to the traffic of my life. Listening to the radio, a song with the chorus, "my mind is like a jungle" is playing in the background. The repetitive words in the chorus, has made me stand still. How authentic is this moment and descriptive of my current mind frame A senior citizen in glasses with a wind braker coat, just walked towards me, through me and past me. Felt him looking straight at me through his dark sunglasses.Felt him creep into my unsettled and heightened soul Words to describe my current state: calm externally, anxious and heightened inside. Tracing back my steps to this morning. I woke up early and ready to go, ready to start the day early So I did and my day till now has been on the go till the end, but it's only early evening my social life will take its own precedence soon My working day consisted of reading a report on the train Followed by proof reading various reports , analysing data etc..... On the go, had to be on the go Then followed by a few interruptions by "office people," asking questions or further clarification on certain matters I responded and provided the correct answers, but I was not immersed in their word fully. I wanted them to hasten their story straight to the point, so I could get on with it. For I was busy- my computer screen display and desk clutter said it all. Plus my opening sentence with a smile- followed by I am in the middle of finalising a report, and a few more hints during the conversation. all these subtle hints should have been sufficient right? Nope they carried on with their 'complex issues' which I needed to solve immediately then and and there. For their world too was heightened and I fitted in their jigsaw of fixing it-so they felt inclined to tell me their issues in detail Then a few emails popped up with additional alerts of other "office people'" needing and wanting my immediate attention, and yes on a Friday. In the midst of it all, I completed tasks outlined in my calendar turned goals from Red to Green: and felt a sense of achievement. Yes to me Then I proceeded to drawing circles of processes and structures. Ideas kept flooding in and unraveled right before me during a meeting. Yes to me again genius, moment right? Winding back to an earlier time. This meeting entailed getting on the train again, me eating during the few minutes I had on this journey. Then onto me trying to switch off the professional world; by scanning through personal emails. Then back to scanning through paper work in preparation for the next meeting End result of the meeting, great. Yes to me, yet again. Mind you these yes moments do not come very often, usually caught in fire fighting processes Now I am left still feeling high on energy and heightened (3 cups of coffee may not have helped) I am left feeling I do not want to just be an ideas person, only now I have to apply the models I drew and make them come to life, and not flush my ideas down the idealess world I am left feeling like an achiever for the day. I exerted myself to the max and prioritised accordingly and blocked out the office traffic. Made the point I need to get on with it Now can I exert the same CAN DO spirit in my personal life, this evening or days to come????? Watch this space First of all, i must acknowledge i stopped my life and wrote this script. That's a start, right? An older lady just walked towards me, through and past me. Her piercing eyes cut straight through me and into my heart. I felt her look through me and chills crept through to my spine. I am reminded yet again by looking at her, how life is so precious Moral of this story, I lived the day as though every second mattered and achieved and saw end results. At the end of the day, I feel as though I lived fully Now I just need to apply the same consistent model and energy to my personal life, after all professional jobs do come to an end and someone can replace me easily I need to achieve personal goals that bring personal rewards and success Those who walked towards me, through me and past me, I connected with you for a reason. You reminded me of my soul, of how life is precious and prompted me to stop, to take a second and reflect back to me through your eyes ...…