Blood is thicker than water

You once told me blood is thicker than water Now I am left realising what you meant The pain cuts deep and hurts in magnitudes unexplained I have become infantilised yet again I am re-learning how to craw back to life I am learning to milk the little pleasures of what is left to life without you I rock and cradle to music which is a reminder of you I am learning a new language of survival and loss in life I have become my own teacher of life without you My body has aged a thousand years, yet I feel like an infant I reach for things that are far from my reach I wish to be reborn into a world where you exist, so I can feel that greater love again The pain cuts through, so deep I have learned to adapt to a world of numbness I feel the pain inwardly, yet cannot express it outwardly, nor can no longer drop a single tear I am locked within, with no outward expression The inner me is fighting a losing battle. I want to fight in order to express my anger, but my body is weakened I want to cry a million tears, but only you will not be there to grip onto my frailing body I have become accustomed to a dark world of which I know like the back of my hand I have become the Jackal and Hide of life I am self taught in skills of emotional survival and instability You were my day and night, the good and bad that can be in a relationship In the end you become my friend Who knew you could become my friend Hence the reason 'it' the pain cuts so deep and runs through my inner core, so much so I have become accoustmed to the deep chills and unbreakable pebbled crystals twisting in me waiting to explode I fear the moment my inner turmoil aliviates, I would have lost you yet again