I WANT THEM TO KNOW

You existed for real
I want people to know you and to remember you
You existed for real

You walked this earth
Your feet prodded through miles of dust
Yet you neither I could predict that soon you would become one with the dust

You are encased safely but for how long
Sooner or later you will become one with the earth

Although you lay deep, it is hard to imagine you there
It is hard to imagine YOU, there laying encased

You were not one to be encased
You loved and lived life

Everyday life had a meaning
You lived every minute of it DOING
You DID what you were passionate about

You worked none stop
Holidays never existed for you
You lived to give and care for others

You also lived to self destruct
As much as you loved life, you were your own worst enemy.
You did not love yourself fully, as much as you gave fully to your life's passion (work) and to others
You did not give yourself a break

You lived to actualise your career potential
You leave a lot of history behind

Only wish that what you have built reamaims as part of your history
Only wish that in time the buildings you have built do not self distrust
Only wish that they remain a fortress

It's hard to imagine you laying still
You were never one to lay still
You were forever on your feet
When you were not on your feet, your mouth did the walking for you
For you loved to be with others and connect with otherness

So you have left us with many of your stories
Your stories are embedded in us

I shall one day be able to tell your story
I want people to know you existed
I don't want people to remember you
You existed for a purpose
You worked everyday for a purpose
The purpose can't just be for you to exist and to be gone

I want them to know
They have to know
They do need know

That you existed and still exist

wRitting for CHAOS

I am writing for the sake of writing, without any exact order or common sense. I am propelled to write as a form of an outlet. My head is full of dialect which can no longer be contained in its own internal dialect.

So many random thoughts floating around. Today is rather a peculiar day. I am most connected to people who are in a form of malice, who themselves are feeling some form of disorder. I did not invite them into my world, but they came along willingly. It's as though a magnet drew us together.

I am glued to people who are going through some form of life disorder. Whether it be reconnecting with a loved one who has long since been deceased or going through a life changing experience which leaves one stuck.

I write for chaos & disorder, because I do not want my sentences or words to make sense. My inner self does not make sense, as its not connected fully to the external. The inner core drives me externally to uncontrollable forces.

So for instance, I've woken up feeling melancholy beyond my control. I am left with minimal options. The rational self prompts, me to connect with the world, while the irrational me wants to remain with this melancholy. I am lazy at the concept of  deciphering it all, whats the point. Rather I remain with the pain. I lay still the world departs from me, while the clock moves and ticks in the invisible parallel of the world which shifts time.

I am comfortable yet in conflict with letting life just pass by.
I am comfortable in being alone yet in despair.

I reflect on what it means to be alone in the world.
I rationalise and agree with previous philosophers in the notion of we are born alone and die alone.
As much as we reach for a connect in times of happiness or sadness, the connect will never be fully merged.

My senses are more heightened than before.
I see the world in another light.
Grieve no matter what the connect is the most isolating experience
It drives one into so many untouched levels
As much as grief brings people together (families especially) it draws away others (friends)
I've noticed people get lost

As much as you feel lost, people (friends) do not know how to be towards you
So you find in the hour of need, you are alone

Moreover what's shocking is that someone exists and one day they are gone, and the mass population moves on.
People are almost surprised by your comatose status.
The most surprising comments is, "what's wrong"?????
This is the breaking point. The inner self is dancing with rage and disbelief

For how could you feel the way I feel
How could you be connected as I am
So there lies the concept we come alone we die alone
for how could you be so disconnected to my world of inner turmoil
how could you be so ignorant to my inner goings

I like writing for chaos