What If I Told You That....

 What I told you that....

A few weeks ago (3 weeks ago to be exact) I lost my sense of purpose?

I lost my WHY and my PURPOSE for being? I lost my driving spirit towards achieving something better and greater for the goodness in life. 

My life, my world suddenly stopped and stood still?  





What if I told you that...

• I am stuck in a bubble filled with nothingness and emptiness? 

• I had so many passions and drive which are now foreshadowed by something else. That now, I exist just for the sake of existing and nothing else as I standstill? 

• My mind has been completely and absolutely blank most days, that I have forgotten what it means to live; to truly live a life. A life I was intended to live with passion, drive and with no regrets 

What if I told you...

• My life is a blur,  'a grey cloudy blur.' My memory well that's another story for another day. 

• What if I told you, one of my passions or interests was writing; just writing for the sake of writing and as an outlet for my freedom of expression, only that this is the first I have been able to write with a clear mind 

• I lost it all completely 

• I have always been in control of my life and everything around me and now well I have nothing absolutely nothing, 'no control'

What if I told you that...

• something more powerful and stronger than me took over me and my life whilst I stood still 

• I put my hands up and finally gave in, with no will, or fight left in me left to fight anymore 

What if I told you that...

• this is the first time in a few weeks my mind has finally snapped out of 'brain fog,' 

• I might just be finding life's meaning again and sense of purpose, which at times feels as though it's in arms reach, only I have yet to reach it. 

• I have become comfortable in being, just being; in being disconnected from it all; external factors that is, including you. 

• What if I told you, I feel nothing absolutely nothing. As ironic as it may be, I live with chronic pain and fatigue every single day and yet feel nothing, absolutely nothing. 

What if I told you that...

• everyday I wake up thinking for a few seconds, only for a few seconds that I am finally back to 'normal' (whatever normal is)? 

• I have grieved the loss of me and I am still caught between reality and world of surrealism 

• That I am yet to be thankful for being afflicted; I remain in denial and won't accept it 

• Did I tell you that my soul died a few weeks ago, when I finally was defeated by Fibromyalgia? What I define as the monstrous demon creature without a conscious, or any sense of guilt.  

What if I told you that 

• this is my journey and only my journey alone? A journey of discovering the new me in the midst of what feels like turmoil? 

• I am coming to terms with my new reality of being afflicted? Would you stop offering me advise, alternative medication, supplements, promises of cures and miracles, and stop saying everything will be fine if I, if I just take this, or take that, or if I stop this, or that, or if just. Would you just be there for me instead and ride this journey with me? 

What if I told you that...

•  being inflicted has caused me to stand still for a reason, to stop and stand still, even if I do not understand my WHY and purpose for BEING yet?

•  so many people do not have the opportunity to stop and be still, to reflect even if it means only for a little and to be comfortable with doing nothing?

• stopping just for a little while makes you appreciate life more and it's meaning? 

• you do not have to wait to experience suffering and affliction before you can do something more meaningful and valuable in your life? 

What if I ask you now what your WHY or REASON FOR BEING is? you know? 

Do you feel like you are embracing your WHY and REASON FOR BEING fully each day? 

What if I told you, and I just have told you. 

Would it matter at all? 

Fibromyalgia Awareness Month #Fibrofighers

Although I have stood still for a little while, just for a little while longer than expected,

Today is my first step of trailing back yet again to my life purpose -my WHY and REASON FOR BEING  

-raison d'être